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Misc => The Lounge => Topic started by: FliesLikeABrick on September 20, 2008, 08:36:47 pm

Title: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: FliesLikeABrick on September 20, 2008, 08:36:47 pm
An e-mail I just got from my dad...
--
I've declared war on the local squirrels.  But they started it.

Recall a couple weeks ago I saw a squirrel headed towards your Camry with a mouthful of leaves, and a quick check under the hood revealed the first layer of a nest.  Well, since then I've been either driving the car or opening the hood every few days to keep it active so they won't get under there.  This morning was time to do it again.  As soon as I lifted the hood, a squirrel was on top of the engine with a startled "Oh sh:t" look on his face.  Then he took off.  I'm pretty sure it's the same one I saw with the mouthful of leaves.  And there, over in the corner of the engine compartment is a nice deep pile of leaves.  With a second squirrel doing his/her best to burrow into them out of sight.  So I made a bunch of noise, banging on the fender etc, but it didn't move.

After several more tries, I figure I'd leave it alone so it can escape.  Came inside with the hood left open for lunch.  And when I go back out, there's squirrel #1 back on top of the engine.  He runs away as soon as he sees my, but dangit if the other one isn't still in there.  So I start taking the leaves out with the shop vac, starting at the margins of the nest and gradually getting closer to the varmint.  Eventually I am vacuuming right alongside him/her.  A couple times I actually sucked the tail into the vacuum.  When that didn't work I put the vac hose right against its neck, and except for temporarily stretching the skin on its face, I don't think it did anything.  Now, the squirrel is not dead; I can see it breathing.  But it's totally playing dead.

A few more minutes and I have all the leaves out and the thing is still there.  I poked it with a stick.  Lifted his butt up with the stick.  Nothing.  I squirted it with water.  Nothing.  Finally dumped a whole bucket of cold water right on it, and that did it.  It slowly got itself out, only to sit on the windshield wiper with a "Now why did you do THAT?" expression.  I grabbed it by the tail and swung him into the woods, and it ran off.

A google search tells me that there are no effective squirrel repellents.  The only thing you can do is block their return.  So I made a cage of sorts out of aluminum mesh gutter screening and tried to fill in the cavity where they were.  We'll see if it works.  I am hoping that if I can deter them for a couple weeks, they'll find a nice hollow tree to nest in, like their countrified kin, and forget about the car.
Best quote from the websites I browsed:
       "Finally, if it's legal in your area, get a gun and pop a cap into his bushy ass.  Problem solved."



*Winner of the Chaks-Fave Best Post/Topic award 2008*
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Wolf_Man on September 20, 2008, 08:40:24 pm
I like the quote. Yea, that seems like a real problem, good luck with it.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: a-4-year-old on September 20, 2008, 08:49:37 pm
put something sharp right where their nest was = win

also dogs are the best squirrel repellent.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: bja888 on September 21, 2008, 01:51:29 am
I poked it with a stick.

That usually solves all your problems. Why did it not work?

I suggest he figure out why they are attracted to the car and make a nesting spot that would of similar advantage.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Captain Ben on September 21, 2008, 06:07:31 am
YEAH TOTALLY LET'S MAKE A NEST FOR A RODENT PEST
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: bja888 on September 21, 2008, 02:11:53 pm
YEAH TOTALLY LET'S MAKE A NEST FOR A RODENT PEST

Squirrels are awesome, and you know it! (Except when they are in your car)
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Graham on September 21, 2008, 02:18:25 pm
Get a BB gun man. Myself I have a 17 scoped rifle that was given to my family so I shoot little critters around the house when I get a chance. I started because like you squirrels complete screwed up one of our cars by building whatever they did in there. Almost got one yesterday but my dog barked at it right before I pulled the trigger, I then proceeded to shoot the dog. However I shot 2 birds recently, one was a headshot.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: a-4-year-old on September 21, 2008, 02:23:57 pm
I then proceeded to shoot the dog.
SNOOPY NOOOOOOOOOOOOO  :'(
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Graham on September 21, 2008, 02:29:34 pm
I then proceeded to shoot the dog.
SNOOPY NOOOOOOOOOOOOO  :'(
Jokes, I would shoot my dog.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Laser Guy on September 21, 2008, 02:52:02 pm
Sounds like fun xD
Quote
I grabbed it by the tail and swung him into the woods, and it ran off.
Sweet >.>
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Horve on September 21, 2008, 03:19:49 pm
sounds like your engine is made out of nuts

anyway there is a MEGA reason why barbwire was invented, there is still craploads of it anywhere you go.
If you really want to be effective, catch a squirrel alive, kill it and put the corpse into the nest- squirrels aren't moronic rodents to not realize that a massacre has happened there. If it starts stinking, they will NOT go there anymore, probably ever, especially if there's only a few of them.

Yes, sharp things work too. If you declare war, there are bound to be casualties.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Blue-ninja on September 21, 2008, 03:40:26 pm
Casualties on the squirrel's side, mostly.

*Blue-ninja watches a ambulance the size of a shoe box go by him
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: jrgp on September 21, 2008, 04:15:12 pm
Maybe... put some food out or something a way from the car to lour the squirrels away?

*Blue-ninja watches a ambulance the size of a shoe box go by him
^lol

Get a BB gun man. Myself I have a 17 scoped rifle that was given to my family so I shoot little critters around the house when I get a chance. I started because like you squirrels complete screwed up one of our cars by building whatever they did in there. Almost got one yesterday but my dog barked at it right before I pulled the trigger, I then proceeded to shoot the dog*. However I shot 2 birds recently, one was a headshot.
You sicken me.

* Joking about shooting dogs is just something I could never do.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Retro349 on September 21, 2008, 04:50:03 pm
I bet squirrel gosteks would provide temporary relief
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Graham on September 21, 2008, 09:04:28 pm
Maybe... put some food out or something a way from the car to lour the squirrels away?

*Blue-ninja watches a ambulance the size of a shoe box go by him
^lol

Get a BB gun man. Myself I have a 17 scoped rifle that was given to my family so I shoot little critters around the house when I get a chance. I started because like you squirrels complete screwed up one of our cars by building whatever they did in there. Almost got one yesterday but my dog barked at it right before I pulled the trigger, I then proceeded to shoot the dog*. However I shot 2 birds recently, one was a headshot.
You sicken me.

* Joking about shooting dogs is just something I could never do.
You need to get a life. I would kill anyone that touches my dog, but at least I still have a sense of humor.

Wait... you don't even go outside... how do you even know what critters much less dogs are? Do you have people relay messages from the "sunworld" as you call it?

Anyway....
Quote
Maybe... put some food out or something a way from the car to lour the squirrels away?
... I can't begin to tell you how idiotic this idea is.

Only way to get rid of squirrels is to capture them then take them miles away or kill them. The first way is slow and takes far to much trouble to go through with, also is more expensive. Killing them takes a $20 bb gun from walmart and that's it, its not like squirrels are going to die out anyway.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: FliesLikeABrick on September 21, 2008, 09:09:17 pm
I poked it with a stick.

That usually solves all your problems. Why did it not work?

I suggest he figure out why they are attracted to the car and make a nesting spot that would of similar advantage.

he poked it with a stick, it refused to move.

He moved a hollowed out log nearby as well, as an alternate nesting place... did you even read the original post?
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: UnknownSniper on September 21, 2008, 09:13:08 pm
Trap the squirrel in a cage and throw it in a wood chipper.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: iDante on September 21, 2008, 09:19:12 pm
The squirrels at UW are evil. They live in the trash things (we have 2-part trash cans here, the top part is very squirrel friendly) and whenever you throw something away they jump out and attack you.

When I go to my friend's cabin we just shoot the squirrels with .22s. Squirrel isn't my favorite meat, but it's not bad. Gopher Everett?
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Blue-ninja on September 21, 2008, 10:33:08 pm
 Put a open jar of ammonia inside the car. I guarantee this should keep any raccoons and/or squirrels away.

I can't tell you how much of a pain the squirrel that used to live in our attic was. It shat everywhere up there, creating something of a stenchy stench, and making a general ruckus-y sound that keeps my parents up at night.

Then one day, my dad saw the squirrel outside, on a tree. He took out his SHOTGUN and blammed the thing. It was hanging on the branches for a while, so my dad shot it again, and it fell two stories down to the ground, dead. Yeah, the squirrel used to live in our attic.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Mangled* on September 21, 2008, 10:44:40 pm
So, in short, your father is terrorising a family of squirrels for doing what's natural to them, finding a warm, sheltered place to nest for the winter. Obviously a cars engine isn't ideal for the driver, and actually isn't too ideal for the squirrels either.

They wouldn't purposely chose to shelter in there unless there was no more suitable shelter within their habitat, so they will naturally keep coming back to nest there unless they find a more suitable place.

Tell him to knock together a small wooden box and to partially bury it in the ground next to a tree with dirt, grass and leaves over it. Perhaps leave one or two nuts in there to draw them in, but usually they will discover it whilst scavenging. I guarantee they will choose to nest there instead.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: The Geologist on September 21, 2008, 10:55:47 pm
So, in short, your father is terrorising a family of squirrels for doing what's natural to them, finding a warm, sheltered place to nest for the winter. Obviously a cars engine isn't ideal for the driver, and actually isn't too ideal for the squirrels either.

They wouldn't purposely chose to shelter in there unless there was no more suitable shelter within their habitat, so they will naturally keep coming back to nest there unless they find a more suitable place.

Tell him to knock together a small wooden box and to partially bury it in the ground next to a tree with dirt, grass and leaves over it. Perhaps leave one or two nuts in there to draw them in, but usually they will discover it whilst scavenging. I guarantee they will choose to nest there instead.

Ah ha...heh heh..ha..hahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: FliesLikeABrick on September 21, 2008, 10:58:01 pm
Mangled, at least he's not shooting them like half the people in this thread are suggesting...
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Mangled* on September 21, 2008, 11:04:23 pm
I'm not disputing that.

Of course if you want to pretentiously feel manly and powerful, you should totally shoot animals just so that you can boast about it.

I say kill it, but only if you're going to eat it.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Jewface on September 21, 2008, 11:04:56 pm
Give to they fishes! I had in my house here (not my but mine famili's too be truth) squirrels the sise of bees and my father father gave them a fish (~(http://pond.dnr.cornell.edu/nyfish/ictaluridae/channel_catfish.jpg)[url][/ulr]) and they eat and leave!

I dont know the why but i think my father father said it was black people magic...
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: The Geologist on September 21, 2008, 11:10:16 pm
I'm not disputing that.

Of course if you want to pretentiously feel manly and powerful, you should totally shoot animals just so that you can boast about it.

I say kill it, but only if you're going to eat it.

And how many times have you done that?

Please, drop the "pretentiously feeling manly and powerful" bs.  I think I hear PETA calling for you.  What's more assuming he's going to boast about it.  They're a reoccurring problem and that's all there is to it.  The step after trapping/relocating is always blocking the squirrels/pests way back in.  But doing that with a car is easier said than done compared to a hole gnawed through an attic wall.

I hope the aluminum grate idea works, because after that the only two viable options are what Gram posted: traps and relocation, or killing.  Either that or revving up the engine when they're definitely inside of it, which is a 50/50 chance for the latter of the previous suggestions.

Edit: Nevermind, listen to Jewface.  Black people magic is a surefire way to get the job done.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Mangled* on September 21, 2008, 11:44:15 pm
And how many times have you done that?

Specify.

Please, drop the "pretentiously feeling manly and powerful" bs.  I think I hear PETA calling for you.  What's more assuming he's going to boast about it.

I didn't say he would. If you had payed any attention at all you would have noticed I was hinting towards †'s post.

Get a BB gun man. Myself I have a 17 scoped rifle that was given to my family so I shoot little critters around the house when I get a chance. I started because like you squirrels complete screwed up one of our cars by building whatever they did in there. Almost got one yesterday but my dog barked at it right before I pulled the trigger, I then proceeded to shoot the dog. However I shot 2 birds recently, one was a headshot.

What little critters are you shooting in your house? Flies? Spiders?

I hope the aluminum grate idea works, because after that the only two viable options are what Gram posted: traps and relocation, or killing.
He didn't post those.

All I did was provide an adequate solution to the problem.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Blue-ninja on September 21, 2008, 11:55:09 pm
And that, folks, is why the internet is so hard to understand.

You completely missed the sarcasm of Geo's post, unless you were being sarcastic yourself, which you're not.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: The Geologist on September 21, 2008, 11:59:16 pm
How many times have you eaten the things you've killed?  

Funny, because I saw no boasting in what Gram said either.  Simply stating what he shot.  As someone who has spent a large portion of their life living out of the city, I can identify.


I hope the aluminum grate idea works, because after that the only two viable options are what Gram posted: traps and relocation, or killing.
He didn't post those.

Only way to get rid of squirrels is to capture them then take them miles away or kill them.

He didn't post what?  Yea...thought so.

Look...in a happy, perfect world the squirrels would just love to hone in on a new nesting place, as you suggested, and live in this man-made hole in the ground that wreaks of human scent and even comes complete with a few complimentary nuts.  But, unfortunately, this is the real world.  They chose the car, and I can't say as I blame them - they don't know what the hell they're bedding down in, and it provides numerous benefits like shelter, protection from predators, and so on.  Obviously the car isn't going to be given up for the sake of the squirrels, so there are only two options.  See above.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: jrgp on September 22, 2008, 12:06:36 am
er, wow. Here in Florida the squirrels spend their days chasing each other up and down trees and running like hell away from humans and things that make noises; I've never even heard of one of them fucking up a car. I don't even think very many people think of them or even notice them down here. I actually wish I could see some squirrels doing mischief. That'd make for some cool photos and youtube videos.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: The Geologist on September 22, 2008, 12:12:06 am
Heh...it's funny you mention that.  People have a way of changing animals natural habits.  Where I went to college the squirrels were fat from people feeding them, had no fear of humans, and even had little tracking collars so that someone could "study" their sadly unnatural habits.

Elsewhere, they get into a lot more trouble.  Getting into cars (as is the case here), into attics, chimneys, and other parts of houses are the most common.  At the university I currently attend tens of thousands of dollars have been lost to squirrels damaging power lines (pretty funny news article there, actually). 

It's better for both sides if the line in the sand is drawn.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: bja888 on September 22, 2008, 06:00:35 am
Heh...it's funny you mention that.  People have a way of changing animals natural habits.  Where I went to college the squirrels were fat from people feeding them, had no fear of humans, and even had little tracking collars so that someone could "study" their sadly unnatural habits.

Elsewhere, they get into a lot more trouble.  Getting into cars (as is the case here), into attics, chimneys, and other parts of houses are the most common.  At the university I currently attend tens of thousands of dollars have been lost to squirrels damaging power lines (pretty funny news article there, actually). 

It's better for both sides if the line in the sand is drawn.

At my house the squirrels hang out in all the trees. I hardly ever see them on the ground and they never bother people.

On the UCF campus the squirrels only come near people to steal food. You turn you back for a second and they run up, steal your food and bail.

At my Girlfriends college, you can walk up and pet them. They don't care.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Duck Boi on September 22, 2008, 06:17:43 am
At my Girlfriends college, you can walk up and pet them. They don't care.
Squirrels are just like rats.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: excruciator on September 22, 2008, 10:52:31 am
Get a BB gun man. Myself I have a 17 scoped rifle that was given to my family so I shoot little critters around the house when I get a chance. I started because like you squirrels complete screwed up one of our cars by building whatever they did in there. Almost got one yesterday but my dog barked at it right before I pulled the trigger, I then proceeded to shoot the dog. However I shot 2 birds recently, one was a headshot.

Shooting small animals for fun is the first sign of a serial killer you crazy ass.

Well, I've never seen such fearless squirrels, there arn't none over here.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: The Geologist on September 22, 2008, 10:55:32 am
I thought torturing animals for fun was a sign of having mental problems, not shooting them because they're being a pest and getting into vehicles.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Kazuki on September 22, 2008, 11:46:05 am
"AMMAGAD How could you kill a furry woodland creature?!"

Deal with it. As if you've never done anything immoral in your entire life. ¬_¬

Thank you, Flies. This is the first time in several months that I've laughed out loud in this forum. A friend of mine has a neighbor with the same problem. He had some padding on the inside of his hood. Most of it had been scratched up and ruined when he showed me.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: UnknownSniper on September 22, 2008, 12:04:45 pm
I thought torturing animals for fun was a sign of having mental problems, not shooting them because they're being a pest and getting into vehicles.

Probably depends on where you shoot them.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: tehsnipah on September 22, 2008, 03:16:07 pm
Wow, this REALLY is hilarious. Brick, I recommend you putting a toy snake on the car; since the squirrels are really scared of them. So they won't bother your car anymore.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Horve on September 22, 2008, 03:46:40 pm
REDRUM
it is time
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: UnknownSniper on September 22, 2008, 06:28:45 pm
Wow, this REALLY is hilarious. Brick, I recommend you putting a toy snake on the car; since the squirrels are really scared of them. So they won't bother your car anymore.

If it doesn't move the squirrels wouldn't run from it, they more than likely wouldn't may any mind to it.
Plus, at night, a fake snake would attract owls. :p
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Blue-ninja on September 22, 2008, 06:55:36 pm
It is time.

Band of brothers squirrels.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Espadon on September 22, 2008, 06:56:57 pm
When are we gonna see one strapped to a miniature bomb?
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: tehsnipah on September 22, 2008, 08:21:48 pm
It is time.

Band of brothers squirrels.
Oh man it would be awesome if the squirrel had nut straps over his chest and schreeches, imitating a suicide bomber.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Mangled* on September 23, 2008, 12:24:47 pm
Oh man it would be awesome if the squirrel had nut straps over his chest and schreeches, imitating a suicide bomber.

....

I paused here for 6 minutes in disbelief.

You should keep thoughts like that to yourself. Really.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: a-4-year-old on September 23, 2008, 03:03:24 pm
just like I keep my anger inside... waiting... building...
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: Chariot on September 23, 2008, 04:38:53 pm
It is time.

Band of brothers squirrels.
Oh man it would be awesome if the squirrel had nut straps over his chest and schreeches, imitating a suicide bomber.

inb4HOW RANDUM OF U!!XD
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: tehsnipah on September 23, 2008, 05:55:38 pm
Hey, my opinion.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: a-4-year-old on September 23, 2008, 06:54:45 pm
Hey, my opinion.
you're opinion is stupid and you should be crushed to a quantum singularity by the black hole where your brain should be.
Title: Re: The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War
Post by: tehsnipah on September 23, 2008, 07:07:27 pm
Hey, my opinion.
you're opinion is stupid and you should be crushed to a quantum singularity by the black hole where your brain should be.
Awww, too bad that my brain's in my head right now :( If you really want to make me feel miserable, feel free to flame me more, because I don't understand the laguages of flames :( (I should lean)