Beauford City Entrance

[Überschall]

Copying Thinkto, I wrote a little story inspired by soldat. Just better.


"It's raining men, halleluja it's raining men, hey yeaah..." it thundered from the speakers of the Humvee's radio that was carrying the second infantry squad of the 55-2 regiment down the snowy road to Beauford City, a squad consisting of six men who've tasted the flavour of war often enough already. Stan was driving, the engineering specialist of the team. While driving, he messed around with a wartorn Mp5, which's stock had been torn out after breaking and that didn't take clips in, they keeped falling out. "Turn that bollocks off", Mike yelled from the back of the car. Mike, the team's long-range specialist, wasn't much of a music fan, maybe because his parents used to listen to freejazz when he was younger. Now he was 38 years old, the oldest soldier in the squad and still the one with the best eyes. "Shut up", Stan shouted back, trying to sound over the Weather Girls and the thound of the Humvee. Ontop of everyone now, there was Jason sitting on the mounted S.A.W. It didn't take further ten seconds, when he yelled down "STOP, NOW!", but nobody understood his words over the sound of the Humvee. "WHAT?". "STOP THE FUCKING CAR, NOW!". Stan hammered the into the brakes and turned the humvee across the road. Jason turned in towards the direction the vehicle was facing before.
Out of a sudden, a burst of bullets hit the vehicle into the right side. Jason responded, while the rest of the team jumped out of the car to the left and unfolded their rifle's stocks. The noise was intense, as always, Jason wasn't releasing the trigger at all, just waving the barrel of the SAW around. Blake and Tyler were on the fron and on the back end of the car, holding their rifles over it and trying hard to see where the enemies were. The city was two miles away but they could slightly see it in the background. Where were those shots coming from? They didn't want to waste ammunition but they were in a tough spot. Only cover was their car to an everlasting stream of bullets flying at them being in a desert of snow with only some small trees around them.

To be continued...

[Thinkto urself]

Copying Thinkto, I wrote a little story inspired by soldat. Just better.

I am sexy. I know.
What map is this based off? It would be nice to know, to get a view of what it would be like there. You give your characters an introduction right before they speak, not a good place to put an introductory, the story sounds a bit like a WW2 story, am I correct? If so, the characters will slowly gain noticeable personality traits continuing from the story. This might not be a big deal but, why does the radio play it's raining men? The part where they were ambushed seemed un-planned and didn't follow into the story very well. And is it just me, or does Jason like to cue attacks? What kind of guns were they holding? Were they heavy defense, or long range infantry, or were they just there to patrol the place?

They didn't want to waste ammunition but they were in a tough spot. Only cover was their car to an everlasting stream of bullets flying at them being in a desert of snow with only some small trees around them.

It sort of sounds like you're writing a documentry, put sum'more action up the squads ass, not just some, "This is happening, but they have to do so and so, but they are so and so."

only some small trees around them.

This sentence caught my eye. It was very bland, and had very few details. You could say, They couldn't waste there ammunition, even though they were being fired on from almost every angle. The only cover was their car to a continious stream of fire flying like small flaming fireflies in the night, in a barren snowy waste land surrounded by dead trees, a symbol of perhaps what was to come.

Edit: My review was bigger then your story Right summore!