I wrote the below poem a couple of days ago, and I only now noticed how much it relates to how I feel about Soldat today. When I first installed Soldat from an old German Bravo! Screenfun CD which featured a couple of free indie games, and took my first few steps against mean bots like Kruger or Boogieman (damn you, saw bitch! got me every time!!), I wondered about all the things I could do, the moves I did not yet know, and the possibilities the game held. I was inspired to create maps, to play against real players, and make some friend (okay, less friends than enemies. raging has been part of my prime <3).
Today.. well.. I'm one of the upper tier public players, a great M79 climber, and one of my maps is default; and I very much stopped wondering. The game is still a ton of fun, and I really enjoy playing it!! -- but it lost its original magic to it. It is very much like first stepping in an adult's boot, and noticing that their grip is good, but they are nothing special anymore.
Anyway, the poem:
I wished I could see the world through the eyes of a child again.
Amazed, I would gasp at cars passing by,
shake the withered hands of scruffy vagrants,
and hurry to reach the pot of gold
at the end of the rainbow.
I would take the world for what it is;
convinced that there is a purpose
to each, and everyone, and everything,
and that the warming smile of the morning sun
is all I will ever need in life
to be happy.
I would dance around the muddy freckles
soft rain paints on the dusty ground,
believing that it is the face of earth
that reaches puberty.
I would love without limits;
oblivious to the painful sting of unrequited love,
my heart will be a hearth for friends
and strangers alike.
I wished to read stories
in brick-patterns on zigzag pavements,
or dream of fabulous creatures,
dragons, fairies, knights,
of which I once heard of in a lullaby.
I want to wonder, wonder,
I want to wonder again!
And if not until the end of time,
then at least until I breathe my last.
Unaware of my last day's nearing yet,
but knowing that one day I
would be old enough to
say stupid things like
I wished I could see the world through the eyes of a child again.
I wonder if I'm alone with this feeling. Is there anybody out there, feeling the same?