Afterlife

[Fluffy]

A radio was repeating a corrupted message.

"-advised to stay indoors. *CREE* -fallout particles- *CREE* -advised to stay indoors."

He turned off the radio. Complete silence, except for the low hum the generator was making. When he concentrated, he thought he could hear an alarm siren. Or was it his imagination? Hours passed in a futile attempt to fall asleep. What was the time? He would've given anything for a watch. Was it safe to go outside? Of course it wasn't. He put on his gas mask and took his assault rifle. The door to the yard was jammed shut by something heavy. The door to the house could be opened partially. He entered and closed the door behind him, leaving the cellar.

Smoke and fire. His house was destroyed, except a few walls that still stood up, painted black by the fire. There was no more roof. He ran to the street. He could see only smoke and ash falling like snow. He ran to the hill, where the smoke wasn't so bad. Green fields had become gray and trees burnt down. Every house was smoking and some on fire. The silence compared to this carnage was absurd. He turned to look at the city. The skyscrapers that still stood up were inrecognisable. Smoke rose from them to several miles high. One started to crumble. Concrete and steel gave up and fell down. It reminded him of one thing.

The sound of a car caught his attention. A pickup drove past him, towards the city. "Hey!" He shouted. The car stopped and a man came out. The assault rifle in the protagonist's hands alerted the man. "What?"

-

I have to stop now. What do you think? Is it good? Should I continue?

[Bunney]

Continue ^^

[Psycho]

reminds me of a book I love. Dont continue unless you will finish it ^^

[Pred]

s'Not bad. Far too rushed - you're uneven in your levels of description. Like, you say "He turned off the radio. Complete silence, except for the low hum the generator was making. When he concentrated, he thought he could hear an alarm siren." which is fairly alright.

But then it's "There was no more roof. He ran to the street. He could see only smoke and ash falling like snow. He ran to the hill, where the smoke wasn't so bad."

Really put yourself in his shoes. What would you notice in a situation like this? What would you smell, feel, etc.

[Mangled*]

Reminds me of the kind of fan fiction from this forum which I moderate.

the forum is for a post-nuclear apocalypse flash series

[Fluffy]

He wondered why he actually stopped the car. Perhaps it was an urge to see another person after all this time. Finally, he said
 - "How long ago did it happen?"
 - "Two days ago, I'm pretty sure", the man replied.
 - "How many did survive?"
 - "Hard to say, I saw a car yesterday, but I don't think it noticed me. Say, what's your name?"
 - "Ralph. You?"
 - "I don't remember."
 - "Huh?"
 - "Get inside, I'll explain you." Ralph entered the pickup and the man continued to drive towards the city. He was black and heavily built, around the same age as Ralph. He only had a bandana to cover his mouth.

 - "You don't remember your name?"
 - "That's right. My house is five miles from here. The damage was little compared to this, but something hit my head. I don't remember much. I woke up yesterday. I was lucky to be alive."
 - "I guess we'll have to make you a name, Bob?"
 - "Haha, I thought of something more serious."
 - "Yeah, right. How about Michael?"
 - "Michael will do fine."

The roads were cluttered by car wrecks they had to dodge. Asphalt had burnt into small rocks that made driving difficult. The structures grew larger and more badly damaged the closer they got to Manhattan.

 - "Why are we going there?" Ralph asked.
 - "I guess if we're going to find survivors, they're there. I'm not sure if the bridge is still in condition."
 - "Hey, you want a gun? I've got a Beretta with me aswell."
 - "No thanks, I've got one." Michael showed him a pistol and a police badge. "I've been a cop for five years now. What's with the gun thing really?"
 - "What gun thing?"
 - "That assault rifle. You scared the living shit out of me when I saw it."
 - "It's perfectly legal. Semi-automatic, you know."
 - "Yeah, but it's against the law to carry visible weapons in public places. And it's not like we're going to meet some mutants already."
 - "I was thinking more about the people."
 - "Hmm. You got a point. But for now, try to keep it a little covered. The damages done might not be so bad. Maybe we wiped them out before they got to launch too many missiles."
 - "Maybe they're thinking about the same thing."
 - "NATO was the first one to react..."

Endless sight of wrecked cars put their conversation to a halt. The image was so real, they could smell the death in the air. Bodies littered the market parking place. Nothing was alive. Some of the bodies were burnt to the bone, but most still had pieces of clothing and flesh to cover them. Faces were barely recognisable as human ones. Someone had photographed himself into the wall by standing against it.

They didn't say anything, when they drove past the devastation. How come they hadn't seen any bodies before, was their only thought. The time when they spoke again was when they saw the bridge collapsed to the bottom of the ocean. Cars were littered to the point where the bridge had collapsed.

 - "No going this way then" Michael said.
 - "We can use the tunnels."

They drove to the beginning of the tunnel. It looked unwelcoming in all its complete darkness.

 - "Lights out" Michael said.

Date Posted: 21-07-2007, 21:21:02I named it Afterlife. I don't think it's very creative so if you've got something better in your mind...

[Psycho]

does he remember 5 years of policing but not his name, and shouldnt his name be with the badge?
other than that nice continuing of the story. you should edit it in your main post as you make them

You should try and be abit more describing about the landscape though. is there still grass? trees? is everything burnt etc.

[Bunney]

Damm nice ! Make a book!!!!!! and release a Dutch version to then! w00t! continue!

[ChromedGun]

Kinda reminds me about Fallout.

[Graham]

Just leave it without a name for a while. Good names just come naturally, just like good stories.