My W.I.P. Novel (Feedback Wanted)

[The Philanthropist]

How about we create a name for the creatures that doesn't have any ties to a word that already exists. It als has to be easy to pronounce and not sound cheap or cheesy when you say it.

so why is that word a problem?

It's just criticism, if you don't agree, then it's your decision, my comments were based on what i feel about writing. I just thought it was large and clunky.

[imacheater2k7]

What's wrong with Reapshades? Anyway... Here's some more ideas:

Shadowstalkers (Another Joke, that's my book's title) - Nightscreams - Duskwraiths (I like this one. I'll probably use it.)

[Lord Frunkamunch]

I actually got around to reading it, and I agree with Graham; you go into waaaay too much detail.

"He got out of bed, put on his favorite shirt which was given to him by his grandmother who died two months ago which made him very sad because he really liked his grandma, then he put on his pants that were slightly ripped in the back from the when he fell of his bike at the age of six and broke his arm and wasn't able to go to school for 3 weeks and had to take summer classes to catch up to all the others kids who were in his second grade class at the new school in the town his family had only been in for 2 weeks at the time. Then he walked out of his room, took a left, walked down the hallway for 6 feet, turned right, opened his bathroom door, and..."*


*not an actual quote from the novel

[imacheater2k7]

*not an actual quote from the novel <---- Way to be an advertisement. I don't go into THAT much detail. It's just the kind of writer I am, but jesus... your example was just terrible.

Also, please, explain why it's a BAD thing to put in details.

And I'm going to change the creatures' names to Duskwraithes.

[Graham]

Also, please, explain why it's a BAD thing to put in details.

BORING

People read to be entertained... reading every single step someone takes is boring.  Its like running a mile to buy a coke... the reward isn't really worth the effort.  Btw we are not saying details are bad... but you use to many, big difference.

[frogboy]

Riley starts to chuckle when he feels the senator shake in fear. He looks up again to see people still scrambling to get out of the funeral home. Riley looks back at the coffin to make sure Selene is not watching him sink to such a low level. Riley takes another deep breath and touches the muzzle of the pistol to the senator’s temple. The senator starts to cry and screams, “ Oh God no!”

Riley smirks and replies, “God does not hear the prayers of the wicked.”

[Lord Frunkamunch]

*not an actual quote from the novel <---- Way to be an advertisement. I don't go into THAT much detail. It's just the kind of writer I am, but jesus... your example was just terrible.

Also, please, explain why it's a BAD thing to put in details.

And I'm going to change the creatures' names to Duskwraithes.

That example was a joke, I'm just saying that noting everything the guy does without giving space for the reader to fill in the blanks himself is a bad idea. It drags the story out needlessly. Details are good when used correctly, but only go into that level of detail when it's something the reader doesn't already know about. (or would give a feck about) Liiike...what the duskwraiths (or whatever you've decided on) look like, for example. The person reading obviously doesn't know what they look like, so that's a better topic to expand on.

Otherwise, keep it down to necessary details.

[a-4-year-old]

Don't tell me why someone does something, I'm smart enough to figure it out myself. Kids books explain everything like that, not a serious novel.

Also if the reader doesn't know much about a person their death is kind of pointless and lacks any kind of emotional attachment. I just read something about some senator or something, and I didn't really care.

[imacheater2k7]

Well, I'm going to completely rewrite Chapter 1 later, due to the fact that my writing skills were at their lowest when I made that, but I won't change too much else.

And is Duskwraithes good enough now?

[The Philanthropist]

Duskwraiths, I would think so yes.