101 uses for duct tape

[SadistAtHeart]

You can use it to kill your wife.

Firstly use it to tie her hands, wrists, forearms, feet, ankles, shins and thighs to a stool made preferably of steel. You can also add tape across the mouth if you are one of those weird people that doesn't like hearing them scream. Please note however, that if you do choose to cover the mouth, it may result in death before intended as a result of choking on vomit and bile.

Cut off three pieces of tape roughly a foot long each. Stick one of them horizontally across the back of her neck, after her back but before the long hair on her scalp so that it is sticking to the short hairs in between. Grab one end of the tape and pull it swiftly downwards with as much force as possible. If she begins to bleed already then put another bit of tape over the wounds, we don't want her dying of blood loss, yet.

New bit of tape. Apply one quarter of one side to her top eyelid and raise it so that it remains open, and tape to her forehead. Do the same with the bottom eyelid but tape that to her cheek. Get another piece but this time stick it so that it covers as much of her eyeball as possible (you might want to try this part whilst using one arm to give her a headlock as if she flinches it can be difficult to stick it down properly). From here you have the choice of either peeling it off really slowly or very quickly. They will both make her scream almost equally as much, it's just a matter of personal preference. Again, if she bleeds profusely then you might want to put another bit of tape over the wound.

Place four pieces of tape in a square shape over as much of her back as possible. Cut lines in the center of the tape, parrel with the edges, through the tape and her skin beneath all the way along for each piece. Make sure all the cuts connect with each other. Cover the square with another set of identical pieces and then two extra, but longer, pieces that stretch diagonally from each corner to its opposite giving an 'x' shape. Grab one of the top corners but do not rip yet. Adding this pause is vital to increasing the torture and feeling of pre-pain sickness. It is here where you add any questions or statements that you wish. Once you are ready you can then rip off the square patch of skin with whatever force or speed you please.

With the skin gone, the first couple of minutes will see the initial blood spurt outwards with quite high velocity but as the platelets begin to collect in the edges of the broken skin, the blood will then have to expel through the back muscle. As it slides down her back and trickles into her buttcrack, which is probably covered in faeces due to the muscles spasming in her anus and colon, you will have a dull couple of hours to wait before she eventually turns white and dies at least greater than 40% body blood loss.

Duct Tape is pretty handy.

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You have no idea how much this post made my day, sir. Free applauds and sex for life.

Did you write that yourself?

[PANZERCATWAGON]

Aye. It's an addition to an ever-expanding collection of short stories I like to call - 'Confessions'.

Oh and duct tape is good for taping apples to ceilings.

[ThunderPantz]

That is nasty ****, i hope someone deletes that ^

ahh.. but i can revive it because i saved a txt version of it.

Also duct tape can be used to remove unwanted hair/ skin/ pimples. Pimples are fun.

who watches red green show? he uses duct tape ALOT.

[Blue-ninja]

Glad to see that about everyone stays on-topic and yet talks about topic-related stuff.

Duct tape can be used to tape together your XBOX 360 after you have thrown it out of the window.

BTW, CATWAGON, does your wife have to be naked? You never really clarified that.

[Captain Ben]

can be use to restrain naughty children to chairs and keep them in various sexual positions and can also be used for the infamous 'unwrapping the sausage' game

[PANZERCATWAGON]

BTW, CATWAGON, does your wife have to be naked? You never really clarified that.

Well if you were weak enough to grant her clothes in which to perform her daily chores, then yes, you would have to take them from her.

I did think that removal of clothes was obvious seeing as you'd have to remove a patch of skin from her back which would be hard to do if she were still wearing her clothes, almost in the same way that it's obvious that she would have to have been intoxicated and mentally and sexually abused beforehand.

[RabidTreeFrog]

you can use it to duct tape together drums that have holes in em

[ThunderPantz]

Glad to see that about everyone stays on-topic and yet talks about topic-related stuff.

Duct tape can be used to tape together your XBOX 360 after you have thrown it out of the window.

BTW, CATWAGON, does your wife have to be naked? You never really clarified that.

On the topic about throwing stuff out of high places and fixing it with duct tape... I threw my suitcase out of an airplane at a mile up. It took a while to find it but i found it. It only had a few cracks,dents, and holes in it. It's a great brand of suitcase. I patched it up with duct tape and i still use it this very day.

Does anyone else have a weird urge to misspell duct tape as fuct tape?

[Blue-ninja]

@Thunderpants: How did you throw the suitcase out of a window at a mile up in a airplane whose windows don't open?

Duct tape = Great for shutting someone up.

[ThunderPantz]

@Thunderpants: How did you throw the suitcase out of a window at a mile up in a airplane whose windows don't open?

Duct tape = Great for shutting someone up.

i never said i threw it out a WINDOW. I said out of high places... and that was a skydiving airplane... i went skydiving on that trip

[xtishereb]

Duct tape is airtight. You can use it to seal up gaps in air ducts, doors, etc. that you don't want water or air to get through.

You can use duct tape to turn two guns into one super-gun! It makes quad-wielding weapons slightly more practical.

You can use duct tape to keep wires down that you don't want sticking up.

[O.R.I.O.N.]

You can use duct tape to turn two guns into one super-gun! It makes quad-wielding weapons slightly more practical.

Try that with four .45 Desert Eagles, I dare you.  Few easier ways to destroy your arm muscles.

Duct tape: the offically unofficial impromptu joint brace of the athletics departments of high schools nationwide.

[Blue-ninja]

You can use the duct tape to tape a extra magazine to the one that the gun is currently using. When the current ammo is gone, you can take it out, turn it upside-down, and plug the duct-taped magazine inside. This was one of the useful things during war, duct tape and magazines.

[Laser Guy]

can be used to tape up the door so no one can go out or in

[O.R.I.O.N.]

Duct tape ain't that strong.  Gorilla tape, now...

You can use the duct tape to tape a extra magazine to the one that the gun is currently using. When the current ammo is gone, you can take it out, turn it upside-down, and plug the duct-taped magazine inside. This was one of the useful things during war, duct tape and magazines.

I've seen that done in Vietnam, and even today still with SWAT and stuff.

[a-4-year-old]

the glue on duct tape isn't strong, but pulling it longways it is incredibly strong

[Blue-ninja]

@a-4-year-old: Uses.....?

I found a Dilbert comic strip mentioning duct tape in it. I'll scan it here when school's over.

(Uses from the comic coming soon...)

[karmazon]

Chew a thick piece of it to strengthen your jaw.

[a-4-year-old]

@a-4-year-old: Uses.....?

Rather then mindlessly telling everyone that you could duct tape your headphones to a cat I could instead tell you why duct tape is so freaking useful.

[ThunderPantz]

Chew a thick piece of it to strengthen your jaw.

why would  you need to strengthen your jaw?

Also for duct tape: toilet paper

Girdle
Seat belts that'll REALLY keep the kids still
Make the stapler obsolete!
Why bother with waxing...
Add several layers to your car's bumpers for a much safer ride.

Belt
Put it on your lawn and paint it green.  Say good-bye to mowing.

and my favorite: Torture.