The boy who cried "Noob"

[Ender Wiggin]

Once upon a time, there was a friendly deathmatch game occurring between myself and several other joyful little soldaten. Things were going well, and everyone was exhibiting sportsmanlike conduct. Everyone that is, except one small soldier who shall remain nameless, who was spouting that hateful word "Noob" at anyone and everyone who picked up an M79 for the cause of battle.

I didn't pay it much heed, until an astonishing turn of events took me within his crosshairs. After having survived an amazing series of near rocket misses, grenades to the head, and hundreds of AUG bullets, I found myself out of Barret ammo, and decided to switch to my knife for a last ditch effort to take down my foe. Quickly I tapped the required key combinations that would bring me to glory: Q-Left-F. Unfortunately, my soldier decided not to switch, and I ended up throwing away my trusty Barret. Being the quick witted soldier that I am, I ducked the next M79 shot, rolled along the ground, and came up with my own automatic missile tube, complete with a lifetime supply of rocket shells.

"I haven't used one of these in a while", I said to myself, as I jetted around the map, blowing away everything from enemy soldiers to small puppies. It was during this time that I started receiving a steady stream of "Noob" fire, coming from our mutual, unnamed friend. I ignored him, seeing as how he was engaging me in a firefight, daring me to miss with my now trusty M79. Running low on health, a role over and grab a medikit, only to receive more "noob" comments, this time because I had gotten health on the battlefield. Sooooo immature of me.

After streaking past the insulter and taking the win, 30 to 29, we moved on to the next map. Right off the bat, he made a challenge that he would soon regret: "Try using a real weapon and see what happens." "What's a real weapon", I asked in return, genuinely confused as to the nature of his prompt. "Anything that is automatic, like mp5 or Aug." "OK", I typed in, as the glee within me began to rise. He had no idea what he had gotten himself into.

You see, I am very good with the mp5. Naturally, my using it all the time causes people to get upset, hence the reason I was practicing my skills with other weapons, such as the Barret, m79. and ruger. But, if he wanted me to use the automatics, then OK...

After dieing a few minutes later (yes minutes, no one was able to take me down for a while), I quickly clicked upon that most beautiful and trustworthy of all weapons: The Heckler and Koch MP5 sub machine gun. Making sure my selection for knife as a secondary was still in place, I closed the weapons menu and moved out to begin the hunt.

The entire battle after this point lasted less than three minutes. Every time he spawned I was on him within moments, gun blazing, pasting his tiny little animated brains onto the walls, floors, ceilings, and other miscellaneous items. I was receiving no comments now, and I couldn't help laughing as I killed him for the seventh time in a row. Ah, life is good, and God is just.

You can probably guess what happened next. He quit, his exit silent as his entry had been loud. Some say he left for good, taking into account the beating he had received from a so-called "noob". Others say that he moved on to the next server, harassing others without any heed to the lesson he had been taught. Whatever the case, my encounter with the boy who cried "noob" was not an entirely unpleasant one, and if any of you should happen to run into him, give him a good butt-wooping from me, and everyone else who has suffered at the hands of his vile chatter. Who knows? Maybe he too is a noob at heart.

[NinjaGimp369]

Well written and told story.

...and if any of you should happen to run into him, give him a good butt-wooping from me, and everyone else who has suffered at the hands of his vile chatter...

Will do.

[SirJamesaford]

I only bash ppl who use one shots when there on my team and they miss so much that it causes us to lose... and even then i dont do it to that extent... M79 and ret are good if the person who uses it is good.

[jettlarue]

Haha, pretty nice story. Yeah something of this sort has happened to me once and it is pretty sweet. Overall nice way to keep your cool, getting mad is their energy, or so to say life source.

[haha]

thats a nice description of him..
where are those small puppies in arena?



how do u know its a boy lol

[Protoman]

Ah... this be a tale of noble soldat-man-ship. Good play, oh chap!

[spike]

Nice story . Also I love your name Ender's Game is an awesome book.

[Will]

Aye, my fellow pirates, let the revolution begin!

Harr Harr

Nice storytelling. the style reminds me of Chakra tough

[The Specialist]

Excellent and funny told story.  Thanks for writing this story so we can read it.

[recruit]

well ppl called me a noob to or maybe I should call it spacific M*j**(geuss the name and this is only part) and he knew me by the forums anyway he called me a loser and i showed him though i did die alot it was fun to see him silent

[SDFilm]

Glad to hear

It's a shame that theres always many more people like that in the public servers.

*Warhammer: Dawn of War- Dark Crusade campaign voice* Despite Commander Wiggin's efforts, the endless tide of majors and 'noob' sayers still march into the Soldat world from the Warp portal. Indeeed, the public servers are now plagued with the vain and egoistical; forcing the Inquisition of respectable Soldat players to start a further purge.

[Ender Wiggin]

Thanks for the good feedback, and remember, *queue corny patriotic music* "always continue to fight the good fight against the evil and tyranny of noob criers everywhere"!

[katheb]

The Noob was pwnt ,Logically amusing.

Story telling is in you , liking it is what im doing.

[Paintd]

Stop being elitist. You made the whole story one-sided. The story was boring to read, too unoriginal. Any faggot would make a topic describing their "womg i pwnt dis noob oololololl" moment with "Hey guys check out dis noob i pwnt, my handy knife saved the glorious day and he used a measly m79 btw and i own at trusty ak47s so obviously hes a dark-hearted noob lolol im cul rait".

Who says he left with his tail between his legs? Maybe he had to go somewhere. And maybe he was joking with his so-called "ZOMG NOOB" outrages. And why would anyone "suffer from this vile-chatter" if you thought he was a noob.

I'll be sure to skip the next topic that has the author Ender Wiggin. You're probably some 40 year old man living in his mom's garage staring into his widescreen computer.

[Ender Wiggin]

Stop being elitist.

From Dictionary.com: "elitist - noun - someone who believes in rule by an elite group". Seeing as how I rather enjoy the concept of freedom and democracy, I am not too sure how you came up with that description of me.

You made the whole story one-sided.

That was, in fact, the entire point of the story. If I had made it where the "boy who cried noob" was a fair and generous soul who gave food to the homeless, it would have lessened the effect a tad, don't you think?

The story was boring to read, too unoriginal. Any ***got would make a topic describing their "womg i pwnt dis noob oololololl" moment with "Hey guys check out dis noob i pwnt, my handy knife saved the glorious day and he used a measly m79 btw and i own at trusty ak47s so obviously hes a dark-hearted noob lolol im cul rait".

Well, seeing as how I am not a "faggot", I don't use leet speak, I never claimed that I had an ak47 (which isn't even in the game, by the way), and I never claimed that he was "dark-hearted", I can only assume that you didn't even read my post. Disapointing.

Who says he left with his tail between his legs?

I did. And seeing as how we were the only two there, you are going to have to take my word for it.

Maybe he had to go somewhere.

Perhaps. But it sure makes for a great story telling effect, no? And it would be rather coincidental that he left just as he was getting owned. I know that when I start loosing, I ramp up my game, and become more determined than ever to win. If I had to leave at the moment that I was loosing, I would stay just a little bit longer just to prove that I wasn't wimping out.

And maybe he was joking with his so-called "ZOMG NOOB" outrages. And why would anyone "suffer from this vile-chatter" if you thought he was a noob.

I can't quite understand your line of reasoning. Obviously, being insulted multiple times could be considered by many to be suffering. And I never claimed that he was the noob, I claimed that he was calling everyone else a noob. As I said before, it appears that you haven't even read my post completely.

I'll be sure to skip the next topic that has the author Ender Wiggin. You're probably some 40 year old man living in his mom's garage staring into his widescreen computer.

Well, you have already failed in everything you have set out to do, as your other post in my other topic has already proven. I am not 40, I am 17. My mom doesn't have a garage. I never stare at my computer, as it isn't all that exciting. And a computer cannot be widescreen, or even standard format for that matter. It is the monitor that can have different aspect ratios. Once again, you have proven your complete and utter incompetence.

Thank you, and have a great day!

[SDFilm]

Good going there Wiggin, you're up for the 'Favorite Forum Newbie Award' for effectivly showing how much of a pretentious, immature, confrontational hot-headed troll Paintd really is without simply flaming him. 

[mxyzptlk]

Ender, Is "Ender Wiggin" Your ingame name?

[Ender Wiggin]

Ender, Is "Ender Wiggin" Your ingame name?

Yes. Why do you ask?

Date Posted: June 15, 2007, 09:54:46 PM

Good going there Wiggin, you're up for the 'Favorite Forum Newbie Award' for effectivly showing how much of a pretentious, immature, confrontational hot-headed troll Paintd really is without simply flaming him.

Thanks, I try my best

[Crzy8s]

That has to be on my top ten burn list.

[Clow]

Lmao im gonna add it to mine aswell. That was frickin awesome