Author Topic: How to run a clan (the definitive work) (Read 3547 times)

Dizzy So 1337 · « **on:** September 03, 2007, 12:28:46 am »

OK, I've only been running clans for 8 months now but I think I have the basics down and here they are:

#1 Let all of your asshole ****talking friends into the clan. Nevermind if they are talented or not, but it definitely helps if they are good.

#2 BE ABSOLUTELY SURE that they talk a lot of **** during their trial. You don't want any pussies in your clan, so make sure that they say 'wtf', 'eater', 'n00b camper' or 'sprayer' at least FIVE TIMES* during their trial. You don't want any of your guys getting killed without letting the enemy know that it was because of their noob bs.

(BONUS) Don't tell your trial people in advance that this is the requirement, that is key. Because anyone can 'fake' being a 'badass' soldat player that doesn't take any **** from anyone no matter how many times they get killed. Sadly it is easier to fake than it should be. They could just type 'you noob jew camper *******!' just to get into your clan, but you want the REAL thing, right?1

#3 OK your ready for the bigtime now! Get a scrim. Be absolutely sure that the enemy clan knows that it is a friendly game and is in no way official. Do this on MSN if possible so that there is no 'paper trail'. (We will describe how to take advantage of this later).

#4 Delay the start of the game for no less than 45 minutes. Trust me on this.... if your clan is ready to go immediately, you will look like desperate 'pussies' to the other clan, and you definitely can't have that. This is also KEY to #5, which follows:

#5 As soon as the enemy clan asks for a pause because one of their members is AFK or disconnected, do not give them ANY RESPITE to figure out what is going on. FLOOD them with 'wtf!' 'let's go already' and 'gogogoggooogogogoogo' is a good one too. Also, if it is your server, be SURE to unpause the game after about 20 seconds. This will prevent the other team captain from finding out what is going on with his missing teammate. If done right, you can usually grab a quick cap during the confusion. Practice this.

*NOTE ok, so notice that we made the nub**** team wait for 45 minutes before starting the game? Well, now you are going ballistic on them because they asked you to wait 20 seconds!!! Might seem unfair, but thats the breaks, noobs! Think about how that makes them feel. Who's got the ball, psychologically speaking? (Trick question) YOU DO. Run with it you beautiful *******, run with it.

#6 With the enemy noob team completely disoriented, it is now time to go for the kill. Shouldn't be hard if you have followed my steps. Key is, now that you have won, immediately declare that it was an official CW and that you have 'pwned' them. Post that **** on your site and if anyone from their nub**** clan tries to say it was an FCW you can just say that they are trying to 'weasel their way out of a win'. This plays well with the crowds, since nobody likes a weasel-noob-jew-****.

#7 Never play that clan again. Accept any members from that clan that try to jump ship from that loser clan to your clan in the next coupla days, they are definitely the kinds of people you want in your clan.

#8 Get ONLINE! Get on MSN, IRC, Xfire, AIM, soldatforums etc and spread the word. Make sure everyone knows that you just 'pwned' that nub**** clan and that they are a 'nub****' clan and that nobody with any self respect would ever join a clan full of easily-tricked noobs.

#9 Repeat steps #1-8 a coupla times

#10 Wonder why your clan is dying of inactivity cuz nobody will fight you (cuz they are all gay noobs, probably).

#11 After your clan dies due to inactivity cuz none of the nub**** clans will fight you anymore, leave the clan. At this point you can either a) join an existing clan and teach them the skills of clan-pwnzoring that I have laid out here or b) start a new one! The choice is yours.

I hope you have found this tutorial helpful. Good luck! To all of you that are looking for ways to make a great game even better!

Boots · « **Reply #1 on:** September 03, 2007, 12:32:10 am »

Rofl, I can't believe I read that... I think your drunk right dizzy?

Dizzy So 1337 · « **Reply #2 on:** September 03, 2007, 12:44:57 am »

Eh, drunk or drunk-like-a-fox... my public will be the judge of that one.

Yes · « **Reply #3 on:** September 03, 2007, 12:48:19 am »

Quote from: Dizzy So 1337 on September 03, 2007, 12:44:57 am

Eh, drunk or drunk-like-a-fox... my public will be the judge of that one.

Trust me your drunk. Also rule number 2 is the best. Lol.

Flacid Assassin · « **Reply #4 on:** September 03, 2007, 12:49:50 am »

no hes not drunk only at like 2AM he is lol

Dizzy So 1337 · « **Reply #5 on:** September 03, 2007, 12:55:42 am »

My drunkenzors is not the issue... step number ****ing #10 is the issue.

Mancer · « **Reply #6 on:** September 03, 2007, 01:14:22 am »

Im not going to lie, I loled a little.

Mitak · « **Reply #7 on:** September 03, 2007, 02:30:57 am »

Oh wow, amazing for someone who's drunk @_o

Boots · « **Reply #8 on:** September 03, 2007, 02:53:02 am »

I think he is seriose, I mean, Dizzy doesnt take shit from any1 but at the same time he lead NoS to over 100 cw in like 4 months. Maybe some clans should try this lol.

Chakra · « **Reply #9 on:** September 03, 2007, 03:04:52 am »

Funny part is, it's a very accurate and true to life guide.

FannyBoy · « **Reply #10 on:** September 03, 2007, 03:54:39 am »

That was funny :d

NinjaGimp369 · « **Reply #11 on:** September 03, 2007, 07:50:39 am »

Quote from: Mancer on September 03, 2007, 01:14:22 am

Im not going to lie, I loled a little.

That's the post with the most *'s I've seen.

Banksey · « **Reply #12 on:** September 03, 2007, 10:06:14 am »

That was fucking great, I love this guy

Psycho · « **Reply #13 on:** September 03, 2007, 11:52:21 am »

Quote

#5Â As soon as the enemy clan asks for a pause because one of their members is AFK or disconnected, do not give them ANY RESPITE to figure out what is going on.Â FLOOD them with 'wtf!'Â 'let's go already'Â and 'gogogoggooogogogoogo' is a good one too.Â Also, if it is your server, be SURE to unpause the game after about 20 seconds.Â This will prevent the other team captain from finding out what is going on with his missing teammate.Â If done right, you can usually grab a quick cap during the confusion.Â Practice this.

Thats exactly how NiceAim was acting when we could not find our missing member

Great list

Crimson Goth · « **Reply #14 on:** September 03, 2007, 01:07:26 pm »

lol this made my day.

xtishereb · « **Reply #15 on:** September 03, 2007, 03:18:34 pm »

You forgot to edit / delete posts on your forums which may question the awesomeness of your clan. You can't let any rumors get created and tear the clan apart.

a-4-year-old · « **Reply #16 on:** September 03, 2007, 03:30:24 pm »

lol I log MSN conversations to use if the FBI ever finds me

Â¬_Â¬

Cappy · « **Reply #17 on:** September 03, 2007, 05:04:34 pm »

Good job dizzy. Clan leaders should take notes on this...Dizzy is a good leader and out of all the clans that I've been in NoS has been my favorite because the way it was run even though it wasn't the best clan skill-wise. Up to now, it's still the clan that I've enjoyed the most. Perfect, well done and to the point.

.Long-Range · « **Reply #18 on:** September 03, 2007, 05:45:29 pm »

Bravo to you, sir!

Duck Boi · « **Reply #19 on:** September 03, 2007, 06:32:20 pm »

Quote from: Chakra on September 03, 2007, 03:04:52 am

Funny part is, it's a very accurate and true to life guide.

QFT

Drunk or not, that IS the correct way to start it off.
Excellent guide!
10/10

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Author Topic: How to run a clan (the definitive work) (Read 3547 times)