My W.I.P. Novel (Feedback Wanted)

[imacheater2k7]

Here you go. It's all packaged up as an .rtf . Hope you like it. Please critique if you read it.

This is the first THREE chapters, and it totals to THIRTY-NINE pages.

[a-4-year-old]

Eww reading. Forum isn't for reading.

Post a .doc or a rtd or pdf or even a txt.

[Iq Unlimited]

wow, someone else who writes.

Your writing style is a little alien compared to mine  because I deal so much with fantasty...

You set the mood of the scenes very well compared to most of the writers I see who post there books on forums...pretty nice the first 3 chapters, I may buy this book if you get it published and it stays this interesting.


edit: heres a .txt document of what he had typed at the time of my copying. (in case you update it imacheater)

edit2: 666 posts wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo .

[Cookie.]

TLDR. I read a lot of the first post, but I don't care to go on.

To be honest, don't quit your day job.  Too many details in all the wrong places. 

[imacheater2k7]

Well, if you read the entire chapters (Which I find hard to believe you did just THEN), you'll find out it's pretty unrealistic. I delve into blending fantasy/realism together. And thank you, looking forward to more criticism.

And I do aim to try to publish this book when it is finished. It should be finished by mid '08.

@Cookie: I don't have a day job... I'm fifteen... And it's a novel, so there is no such thing as a wrongly placed detail... what are you getting at?

Also, maybe you should, you know, read all the way through. As with most stories, this gets much more interesting PAST the first chapter. (Actually, about the end of the Second chapter in my book) However, i thank you for your critique, but I won't change anything off of such a shallow and non-explanatory criticism.

[Iq Unlimited]

mines pure fantasy . I style lots of my work after the Dragonlance series. Realism doesn't catch my eye as much.

[Cookie.]

Well, if you read the entire chapters (Which I find hard to believe you did just THEN), you'll find out it's pretty unrealistic. I delve into blending fantasy/realism together. And thank you, looking forward to more criticism.

And I do aim to try to publish this book when it is finished. It should be finished by mid '08.

@Cookie: I don't have a day job... I'm fifteen... And it's a novel, so there is no such thing as a wrongly placed detail... what are you getting at?

Also, maybe you should, you know, read all the way through. As with most stories, this gets much more interesting PAST the first chapter. (Actually, about the end of the Second chapter in my book) However, i thank you for your critique, but I won't change anything off of such a shallow and non-explanatory criticism.

@imacheater2k7 Its an expression, I wasn't actually suggesting that a person like yourself could get a job.  Anyways it does not interest me to read about someone passing the salt.

-=Edit
Prick

[SDFilm]

I'm not sure if I should start a whole new thread for this, so I'll post it here. It's the prologue of some Warhammer 40K fan-fiction that I started today.

BTW, If you don't know a thing about the Tau Empire and still want to read the fic, then you might want to use this for reference- http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Category:Tau

[Graham]

Man... you got into WAY too much detail. Don't tell the reader exactly what to think... sometimes confusing readers by leaving out details is a good thing.

[SDFilm]

Man... you got into WAY too much detail. Don't tell the reader exactly what to think... sometimes confusing readers by leaving out details is a good thing.

If you're talking to me, then I might keep that in mind; though I don't want to go too far the other way and have no detail at all.

[Graham]

Oh nah I was talking to cheater.. haven't read any of yours yet. I will after church though. SD you are right to an extent... not giving details is a good thing to do if your character can't even wrap his/her head around whats going on. Course that depends if you want your readers to be watching something happen or be with the character as its happening.

[Xxypher]

I used to write poetry, but it made people die.

[imacheater2k7]

I don't explain THAT much....
Also, you don't really learn too much in the story until the characters do... However, I thank you for the criticism. (If you could point out specific parts [NOT INVOLVING CHARACTER ACTION], that'd be great.)

@Cookie: What the hell? All I did was say that you didn't explain enough for me to change anything.

[Xxypher]

So many people died. It was horrible... Why was I cursed to walk the land with deathly poetry?

[imacheater2k7]

So many people died. It was horrible... Why was I cursed to walk the land with deathly poetry?

So many people died? Are you talking about my book or are you just spamming?

[Xxypher]

A little of both I'd say, I little of both.

[The Philanthropist]

You have your perspective jumping around, sometimes it's third person, sometimes it's second person. You also blurt out things that could be used to enrich the characters, but the blurting thing just stereotypes and classifies.

EG "It was Diane, Alex’s quirky friend who, unbeknownst to him, had a crush on him since the seventh grade." Instead of laying it out flat like that, let the reader make descions based on Diane's actions, let the reader come to the conclusion. I would scrap the entire first page of dialogue with the mother. Actually, ditch the entire first chapter. Start with "silence" or whatever, the first chapter is meaningless crap.

Watch your vocabulary too, if you are talking about a grade nine, larger words like unbeknowst age it.

EDIT:

Slayeths

Please get a BETTER name for that.

EDIT2: Make him scared again after the dream.

[Mangled*]

No Pics = No Downloads

...

What you could have done was pasted the text into a post and save us all a lot of trouble.... I really can't be bothered to download it... At least if it's in the topic then I only have to open the thread to read it.

[imacheater2k7]

First Chapter meaningless crap, eh? Meh, I'm not going to scrap it. I will redo it, however. My vocabulary was a bit lower then, as was my writing ability. And WTF? Unbeknownst is a: Not used by a character in the story. and b: This is a freakin' Fantasy/Realism mix, so why is that word a problem?

Since EDIT 2 is involved with Chapter 1, I'll add that into the scrap heap, and I'll fix it when I rewrite Chapter 1.

Thanks for your criticism, and thank you for pointing out specific problems.

And here's a few names I thought up for the creatures. Take a pick.

Shadowlings - Abyssi - Nightcrawlers (Just a Joke) - Reapshades (I like this one, actually)

@Mangled*: The book is far too big to fit in one post. It was set as a download for convenience purposes, ok?

[Lord Frunkamunch]

Definitely not Reapshades. If that's all you can think of go with Abyssi, although even that sounds sorta cliche...