The Great Hudson Valley Squirrel War

[FliesLikeABrick]

An e-mail I just got from my dad...
--
I've declared war on the local squirrels.  But they started it.

Recall a couple weeks ago I saw a squirrel headed towards your Camry with a mouthful of leaves, and a quick check under the hood revealed the first layer of a nest.  Well, since then I've been either driving the car or opening the hood every few days to keep it active so they won't get under there.  This morning was time to do it again.  As soon as I lifted the hood, a squirrel was on top of the engine with a startled "Oh sh:t" look on his face.  Then he took off.  I'm pretty sure it's the same one I saw with the mouthful of leaves.  And there, over in the corner of the engine compartment is a nice deep pile of leaves.  With a second squirrel doing his/her best to burrow into them out of sight.  So I made a bunch of noise, banging on the fender etc, but it didn't move.

After several more tries, I figure I'd leave it alone so it can escape.  Came inside with the hood left open for lunch.  And when I go back out, there's squirrel #1 back on top of the engine.  He runs away as soon as he sees my, but dangit if the other one isn't still in there.  So I start taking the leaves out with the shop vac, starting at the margins of the nest and gradually getting closer to the varmint.  Eventually I am vacuuming right alongside him/her.  A couple times I actually sucked the tail into the vacuum.  When that didn't work I put the vac hose right against its neck, and except for temporarily stretching the skin on its face, I don't think it did anything.  Now, the squirrel is not dead; I can see it breathing.  But it's totally playing dead.

A few more minutes and I have all the leaves out and the thing is still there.  I poked it with a stick.  Lifted his butt up with the stick.  Nothing.  I squirted it with water.  Nothing.  Finally dumped a whole bucket of cold water right on it, and that did it.  It slowly got itself out, only to sit on the windshield wiper with a "Now why did you do THAT?" expression.  I grabbed it by the tail and swung him into the woods, and it ran off.

A google search tells me that there are no effective squirrel repellents.  The only thing you can do is block their return.  So I made a cage of sorts out of aluminum mesh gutter screening and tried to fill in the cavity where they were.  We'll see if it works.  I am hoping that if I can deter them for a couple weeks, they'll find a nice hollow tree to nest in, like their countrified kin, and forget about the car.
Best quote from the websites I browsed:
       "Finally, if it's legal in your area, get a gun and pop a cap into his bushy ass.  Problem solved."



*Winner of the Chaks-Fave Best Post/Topic award 2008*

[Wolf_Man]

I like the quote. Yea, that seems like a real problem, good luck with it.

[a-4-year-old]

put something sharp right where their nest was = win

also dogs are the best squirrel repellent.

[bja888]

I poked it with a stick.

That usually solves all your problems. Why did it not work?

I suggest he figure out why they are attracted to the car and make a nesting spot that would of similar advantage.

[Captain Ben]

YEAH TOTALLY LET'S MAKE A NEST FOR A RODENT PEST

[bja888]

YEAH TOTALLY LET'S MAKE A NEST FOR A RODENT PEST

Squirrels are awesome, and you know it! (Except when they are in your car)

[Graham]

Get a BB gun man. Myself I have a 17 scoped rifle that was given to my family so I shoot little critters around the house when I get a chance. I started because like you squirrels complete screwed up one of our cars by building whatever they did in there. Almost got one yesterday but my dog barked at it right before I pulled the trigger, I then proceeded to shoot the dog. However I shot 2 birds recently, one was a headshot.

[a-4-year-old]

I then proceeded to shoot the dog.

SNOOPY NOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

[Graham]

I then proceeded to shoot the dog.

SNOOPY NOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

Jokes, I would shoot my dog.

[Laser Guy]

Sounds like fun xD

I grabbed it by the tail and swung him into the woods, and it ran off.

Sweet >.>

[Horve]

sounds like your engine is made out of nuts

anyway there is a MEGA reason why barbwire was invented, there is still craploads of it anywhere you go.
If you really want to be effective, catch a squirrel alive, kill it and put the corpse into the nest- squirrels aren't moronic rodents to not realize that a massacre has happened there. If it starts stinking, they will NOT go there anymore, probably ever, especially if there's only a few of them.

Yes, sharp things work too. If you declare war, there are bound to be casualties.

[Blue-ninja]

Casualties on the squirrel's side, mostly.

*Blue-ninja watches a ambulance the size of a shoe box go by him

[jrgp]

Maybe... put some food out or something a way from the car to lour the squirrels away?

*Blue-ninja watches a ambulance the size of a shoe box go by him

^lol

Get a BB gun man. Myself I have a 17 scoped rifle that was given to my family so I shoot little critters around the house when I get a chance. I started because like you squirrels complete screwed up one of our cars by building whatever they did in there. Almost got one yesterday but my dog barked at it right before I pulled the trigger, I then proceeded to shoot the dog*. However I shot 2 birds recently, one was a headshot.

You sicken me.

* Joking about shooting dogs is just something I could never do.

[Retro349]

I bet squirrel gosteks would provide temporary relief

[Graham]

Maybe... put some food out or something a way from the car to lour the squirrels away?

*Blue-ninja watches a ambulance the size of a shoe box go by him

^lol

Get a BB gun man. Myself I have a 17 scoped rifle that was given to my family so I shoot little critters around the house when I get a chance. I started because like you squirrels complete screwed up one of our cars by building whatever they did in there. Almost got one yesterday but my dog barked at it right before I pulled the trigger, I then proceeded to shoot the dog*. However I shot 2 birds recently, one was a headshot.

You sicken me.

* Joking about shooting dogs is just something I could never do.

You need to get a life. I would kill anyone that touches my dog, but at least I still have a sense of humor.

Wait... you don't even go outside... how do you even know what critters much less dogs are? Do you have people relay messages from the "sunworld" as you call it?

Anyway....

Maybe... put some food out or something a way from the car to lour the squirrels away?

... I can't begin to tell you how idiotic this idea is.

Only way to get rid of squirrels is to capture them then take them miles away or kill them. The first way is slow and takes far to much trouble to go through with, also is more expensive. Killing them takes a $20 bb gun from walmart and that's it, its not like squirrels are going to die out anyway.

[FliesLikeABrick]

I poked it with a stick.

That usually solves all your problems. Why did it not work?

I suggest he figure out why they are attracted to the car and make a nesting spot that would of similar advantage.

he poked it with a stick, it refused to move.

He moved a hollowed out log nearby as well, as an alternate nesting place... did you even read the original post?

[UnknownSniper]

Trap the squirrel in a cage and throw it in a wood chipper.

[iDante]

The squirrels at UW are evil. They live in the trash things (we have 2-part trash cans here, the top part is very squirrel friendly) and whenever you throw something away they jump out and attack you.

When I go to my friend's cabin we just shoot the squirrels with .22s. Squirrel isn't my favorite meat, but it's not bad. Gopher Everett?

[Blue-ninja]

 Put a open jar of ammonia inside the car. I guarantee this should keep any raccoons and/or squirrels away.

I can't tell you how much of a pain the squirrel that used to live in our attic was. It shat everywhere up there, creating something of a stenchy stench, and making a general ruckus-y sound that keeps my parents up at night.

Then one day, my dad saw the squirrel outside, on a tree. He took out his SHOTGUN and blammed the thing. It was hanging on the branches for a while, so my dad shot it again, and it fell two stories down to the ground, dead. Yeah, the squirrel used to live in our attic.

[Mangled*]

So, in short, your father is terrorising a family of squirrels for doing what's natural to them, finding a warm, sheltered place to nest for the winter. Obviously a cars engine isn't ideal for the driver, and actually isn't too ideal for the squirrels either.

They wouldn't purposely chose to shelter in there unless there was no more suitable shelter within their habitat, so they will naturally keep coming back to nest there unless they find a more suitable place.

Tell him to knock together a small wooden box and to partially bury it in the ground next to a tree with dirt, grass and leaves over it. Perhaps leave one or two nuts in there to draw them in, but usually they will discover it whilst scavenging. I guarantee they will choose to nest there instead.