Author Topic: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love  (Read 10581 times)

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Offline PANZERCATWAGON

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jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« on: December 18, 2008, 09:44:34 pm »
"you can come in now joe."

jrgp straightened his y-fronts under his pants quickly before getting up from his seat in the corridor and turned towards matrons office. as he pushed open the office door with an abnormal amount of effort, his weak and bony arms were limited to simple tasks such as reaching for the next can of coke as he applied finishing touches to his linux programs, he then caught sight of matron.

most of the students that met matron for the first time would instantly recognize her for her youth (roughly mid twenties they often thought) and shapely appearance. her hair a coconut shade of brown, lips full and displaying todays choice of cherry colored lipstick, and while her pronounced rack would surely have been enough to fulfill any mans tick list, she was only just noticeably short for a woman.

jrgp, however, did not recognize these things. he was too busy recognizing that too familiar noise of a windows error being shot onto matrons computer screen. matron gasped in shock as jrgp bolted towards her desk instantly before vaulting and sliding across the desk to land in her highly adjusted swivel chair. clicking and typing frantically with an almost god-like speed, jrgp was in his zone. sweat began running down and around the mounds of acne on his cheeks and forehead as he cleared problem after problem, negating any suspicions that the list of submission fetish pornography sites in her browser history were matrons doing rather than the viruses corrupting her system, until he suddenly twirled around like a nancy boy, leapt to his feet and struck an unbeatably smug face.

"ive finished searching your hard drive and i believe your operating system is now one hundred percent virus free!"

matron, slightly taken back by the display she had just witnessed, began slowly,

"... well thank you very much joe, but i feel i must admit something to you. your teacher sent you down here to help me and find out why my work was corrupted but ..."

matrons dull green eyes whirled over various items in the office to ease her mind as she nervously attempted her sentence. jrgps minuscule boner, which had recently appeared during his recent computer performance, began to retract.

"... but the real reason i asked you down here was so i could see you, joe."

not a more puzzled look could have been on jrgps face as matron continued.

"every day i watch you joe. i feel so empty and hollow at night when i get back to my apartment with just me and my cat. the only thing that gives me the strength to come in and stomach sick and whiny kids all day is knowing that at lunch break, through this window, i can see you. everyday ive watched you eating your lunch and talking with your only friend in the school, the computing teacher, and over time ive fell in love with you. and not only that but i see the way that computer teacher acts when you talk to him, he doesnt want to be around you joe. but i do. i love your ridiculous amount of greasy acne and your discolored teeth. i love how your lack of muscle could be compared to that of a seven year old girl. i have, do and always will love you even if no one else does."

matron suddenly became very tense, turned and began picking up her various bonsai trees jrgp had knocked off with his table acrobatics. jrgp did not move to help.

"im sorry joe. i really shouldnt be telling you this. its improper of me and if anyone found out theyd have me reported and fired, but ..."

matron sighed,

"... but i just had to tell you."

jrgp blinked. matron stood akwardly for a moment before reaching out and grabbing jrgp by his bony wrists and staring with desperation into his eyes.

"come back to my place, just for tonight. tell your parents youre staying over a friends or something and i can explain how i feel properly. please?"

joe took a moment to input just exactly what matron was asking of him before he finally spoke in his wheezy, crackly voice,

"im sorry matron but my parents would never believe i have real friends. let alone that they would want me to stay over their house for a whole night. though even if they did believe that, im just too busy. im currently configuring my nvidia geforce 8400m gs so i can program in linux with the comforting knowledge that its being displayed at roughly 54 frames per second."

jrgp then reached into his schoolbag. he pulled out a cd case and placed it on matrons desk.

"here. its a ubuntu installation cd. you dont have to install linux onto your computer if you dont want to but id advise it. then i wouldnt have to come down here to see you and sort out your computers viruses anymore. anyway im nearly five minutes late for being ten minutes early to my computing class so ive got to go. goodbye matron."

and as the office door closed slowly behind jrgp, so too did the door to matrons heart. after opening her desk drawer, matron reached in, pushed aside her mouth gag, and pulled out a glock 17 semi automatic pistol (freshly purcashed for such an occasion). with one hand raised to direct the gun through the base of her jaw and the other into her silk white panties to finger bang herself to images of jrgp in a full leather dominator outfit, she pulled the trigger.

at that very same time, somewhere out in the deepest part of ever reaching space, god himself - wept.

Offline a-4-year-old

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2008, 09:52:20 pm »
I feel like I should have paid for such quality entertainment.
If we hit the bullseye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. -Zapp Brannigan

Offline Psycho

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2008, 09:56:41 pm »
When is the movie coming?

 Looking down from ethereal skies

Offline LtKillroy

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2008, 09:57:04 pm »
Agree with 4 year. Don't most places have a 7 day waiting period for purchase of fireams. I guess you could consider that freshly purchased... The last line is priceless.
L'audace, l'audace, toujours l'audace

Offline jrgp

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2008, 09:58:55 pm »
buh, my boner is not minuscule, I do have a bit of athletic strength, and I am no where near as nerdy as you wrote.

sorry, I can't refrain from locking this steaming pile of crap.

If the lounge mods really feel like letting these morons bash and defame me even further, feel free to unlock and let the crap-shoot commence.
« Last Edit: December 18, 2008, 10:03:13 pm by jrgp »
There are other worlds than these

Offline Wraithlike

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2008, 10:08:04 pm »
That story was 963 words. 963 words, I assume typed by you, all about jrgp. You type at 25 words per minute.


I did some mathing, and determined that you spent 38.52 minutes typing that. And I assume you also thought about it for a bit, so in reality longer.

Thats a long time spent writing a story about Mr. jrgp. I think I sense an obsession. Could you perhaps have deep repressed romantic urges for him?
« Last Edit: December 18, 2008, 10:46:28 pm by Wraithlike »

Offline jrgp

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2008, 10:12:11 pm »
Unlocked by request.
There are other worlds than these

Offline Psycho

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2008, 10:32:12 pm »
I can't believe you take this seriously. I would not describe this as bashing, just an entertaining fiction ;)

 Looking down from ethereal skies

Offline Hair|Trigger

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2008, 10:34:41 pm »
let me just say that was a brilliant story

I laughed here and there too, not that I have anything against jrgp, but its a great piece

Player since late 2007

Offline Godefroy

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #9 on: December 21, 2008, 10:41:51 pm »
I've told you before, PANZERCATWAGON, you need to become a writer!

Offline Godefroy

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #10 on: December 21, 2008, 10:43:58 pm »
jrgps minuscule boner, which had recently appeared during his recent computer performance, began to retract.
That's when I actually started to "laugh out loud".

Offline PANZERCATWAGON

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #11 on: December 21, 2008, 10:46:15 pm »
hmmmmmm

cheers you lot and im happy it brought some smiles

i kind of half wanted this to be an example to some of the newer members that the lounge can be quite an interesting place if you want it to be

i mainly just wanted to reply to this:

Agree with 4 year. Don't most places have a 7 day waiting period for purchase of fireams. I guess you could consider that freshly purchased... The last line is priceless.

yeah i had considered that at the time but in the end i think i just chose the wrong word. i think i made quite a few other fuck ups but to be honest i couldnt be bothered spending time reading through my writing again like i normally would

I've told you before, PANZERCATWAGON, you need to become a writer!

i write part time. uh would like to write properly but too many barriers

Offline jrgp

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #12 on: December 21, 2008, 10:48:21 pm »
Yeah, capitalization and punctuation really are hard barriers to pass..
There are other worlds than these

Offline Psycho

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #13 on: December 21, 2008, 10:52:58 pm »
Yes, better have those fixed in the next installment.

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Offline Blue-ninja

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #14 on: December 21, 2008, 11:20:07 pm »
You Know You're Just As Bad As This Guy.

Offline The Geologist

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #15 on: December 22, 2008, 12:12:54 am »
Epic thread is epic.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams it is
still a beautiful world.  Strive to be happy.

Offline iDante

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #16 on: December 22, 2008, 12:20:21 am »
You Know You're Just As Bad As This Guy.
Whenever I read that guy I start seizing.

PANZERCATWAGON: You have one of the most interesting writing styles on the forums. Seriously though, a little capitalization can't hurt. Remember that bash.org quote about jacking off horses or whatever, REMEMBER IT.

Offline {LAW} Gamer_2k4

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #17 on: December 22, 2008, 02:38:49 am »
Great story, Panzer.  I was laughing throughout the entire thing; your caricature of the typical linux nerd (unfortunately dumping that on jrgp) was simply hilarious.  I'm definitely looking forward to part 2.

Some of my favorite lines/phrases (sorry jrgp):
"until he suddenly twirled around like a nancy boy"
"jrgps minuscule boner, which had recently appeared during his recent computer performance, began to retract."
"i love how your lack of muscle could be compared to that of a seven year old girl."
"im currently configuring my nvidia geforce 8400m gs so i can program in linux with the comforting knowledge that its being displayed at roughly 54 frames per second."
"anyway im nearly five minutes late for being ten minutes early to my computing class so ive got to go"
Gamer_2k4

Only anime shows I've felt any interest in over the years are Pokemon (original TV series) and various hentai.
so clearly jgrp is a goddamn anime connoisseur. his opinion might as well be law here.

Best Admin: jrgp, he's like the forum mom and a pet dog rolled into one.

Offline Brock

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #18 on: December 22, 2008, 05:12:41 am »
You need to be a writer.  Lol.
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computer-generated dream world built to keep us
under control in order to - wait, what?"

Offline Mangled*

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Re: jrgps wonton adventure - part I: last love
« Reply #19 on: December 22, 2008, 05:50:16 am »
It's so descriptive I can really picture every minute detail in my head!

PS: Looking forward to part 2!
"There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses." - Ezekiel 23:20