Have you ever hit rock bottom?

[echo_trail]

Funny you should ask, I'm pretty close to slitting my wrists right now.

I'll make sure to fill you guys in tomorrow when alcohol's done fistfucking me.

[Mangled*]

I guess the lowest point in my life was my time in prison. I did 2 years for assault & battery on a christian who was handing out church flyers... it was just one of those days.

I feel a better person having done my time though.

[Farah]

I guess the lowest point in my life was my time in prison. I did 2 years for assault & battery on a christian who was handing out church flyers... it was just one of those days.

I feel a better person having done my time though.

ahahahahahaha i see your close minded intolerance hasn't changed since.

[Splinter-Snake]

I guess the lowest point in my life was my time in prison. I did 2 years for assault & battery on a christian who was handing out church flyers... it was just one of those days.

I feel a better person having done my time though.

Sounds like an immature twat who still hasn't learned about living in a world with differences in beliefs. And nah, I don't give two s**ts if you're joking.

[Farah]

i can imagine so many ways that went down

"hey dude accept jesus into your heart"
*PROUD ATHIEST*"TAKE THIS GOD"*PROUD ATHIEST*

[Rai-Dei]

I guess the lowest point in my life was my time in prison. I did 2 years for assault & battery on a christian who was handing out church flyers... it was just one of those days.

I feel a better person having done my time though.

Socio...

Giving it more thought I've decided that your mother should've swallowed you.

[VijchtiDoodah]

Funny you should ask, I'm pretty close to slitting my wrists right now.

I'll make sure to fill you guys in tomorrow when alcohol's done fistf**king me.

What's up?

[echo_trail]

Oh right. Sorry, I had a tough weekend. Alcohol's a shallow, backstabbing friend.

So anyway, I've hit rock bottom a couple of times. I'm sort of an emotional guy, I guess, definitely in touch with some aspects of it I wish I could just stay away from. Anger was always a problem for me, and mixing that with my early tendency to drink.. well, doesn't take a scientist to know that's a bomb waiting to go off, which it has a couple of times. But let's start out small shall we.

When I was around 14 my parents decided it'd be a really good idea if our family(mom, dad, kid sis and me) moved to India for a year. At that time, I was really a family addict. You know, the sort of kid who believes his family is some sort of higher entity, dad's always right and mom could never tell a lie. My parents are young, had me when they were both 21, so we always had this sparkling relationship full of energy, you know? I thought the world was awesome, I loved it in India. Until a couple of months in to the trip, my parents start acting up. At first I think it's just a normal argument breweing, but being in bed night after night, listening to their bullshit through those thin walls, slowly I realised my family wasn't this utopia I had previously believed. Turns out my parents has been cheating on eachother for almost as long as they've been together. In fact, the whole moving to India is just an attempt to get away, but my dad had insisted on coming a long. My dad got verbally abusive, and was pretty much guilty of everything short of smacking her one. One night I hear them talking about breaking up, and they told me the next day. Funny thing is, at that point I was just happy they wouldn't be staying together anymore. I got really down from that. I had nowhere to go, you know? This was India, I was trapped in the middle. We stayed there for another 6 months, I think, but my dad went home. My mom would later have an affair, I just wanted to kill myself.

But that's one, the earliest I remember. My parents are fine now, I should say, living seperate lifes, but they get somewhat along. Next one I remember, I was with this girl Trine. I can honestly say I loved that girl, she was something. We were together around a year, I think, then things got fucked up. I lived with my dad at the time, kinda pushing my mom out in the cold for a while. We didn't get a long well. She'd gotten this new boyfriend, who was like 9 years younger than her. He was alright though, good guy when sober. He was sort of a black sheep, been in and out of jail for small time crimes, had a raging coke addiction, you know that stuff. At first though, things were good. He treated my mom and sis(my sister, Cecilie, lived with my mom still. She was the only reason I kept in contact at all) pretty good, kept his act together. Whenever I came by to check on my sister, he'd always be nice to me. I began to think, "maybe this could work out", you know? I guess I've always been pretty protective of my mom. I had a hard time letting guys get near her, which was always in collision with her apparent need for male company. there were some pretty grim incidents in the past 'cause of that, which is why I was hoping all the more that this could work out. Maybe that shit would finally blow over now.
So, one day my dad comes down. It's early saturday morning, and I'm still a little tipsy. Trine is right besides me, and she looks at me wierd when my dad tells me we have to go for a drive. I turn over and assure her it's going to be okay. I put ome clothes on and get in the car. I ask my dad what's it all about, but he keeps silent as we pull up to my moms house. Now I'm getting freaked out, thinking something is wrong. The frontdoor is wide open, so I get out of the car, and run inside. I yell for my mom, but no one's home. As I go into the kitchen, which has this wooden floor on it, I spot a massive pool of blood on the floor. My dad comes up behind me, and he's just as freaked out as I am. Everything in the house is smashed. the sofa's cut open, CD casings are everywhere, the glass table is broken.. it was a fucking warzone, or had been the day before.
So what's happened is my mom and this guy had gone out. They'd had a fight, she knows he's the jealous type, though she has little idea how far it goes. A co-worker comes up to her and they start talking, which sends my moms boyfriend(Bis), into this rage of jealousy. For now though, he goes home. Then as my mom comes home a little later and walks in, he jumps her with a knife. He hits her to the groun, and drags her to the kitchen. He starts smashing everything, throwing plates and cups at her. He keeps kicking her, all fucked up on whatever shit he's been taking. After a while he pulls out the knife again, and he's asking her "You're gonna die, do you know that? You know that right?". My mom later said she answered "Yes.". For some reason he goes outside, and my mom sprints to the toilet to lock the door, calls the police from her cell. They come to pick him up 5 minutes later.
So my mom is all fucked up. We start cleaning up the house, my dad and I, and there was fucking blood everywhere. I kept asking my dad if he was positive that she was "okay", 'cause I just couldn't believe what I saw. I couldn't believe she wasn't dead. When I later saw her at the hospital, it became pretty clear that she was lucky to be alive. Bis went away for 6 months a little while later. I went beserk when I heard of it. 6 months for doing what he did? What if my sister had been home that night, he could've killed her.
This is when I started to get fucked up. I started drinking a lot, even for a teenager. I would often get drunk everyday. I started smoking pot, something I had previously been very opposed to. I distanced myself from everybody but my sister, even Trine. Then one day Bis got out of jail. My mom went to see him, said she had to set things straight, or she would never heal. I understood only too well. What I hadn't seen coming was him moving back in with her a month later. I was crushed by this, I felt like she betrayed my sister and me, after all we'd been through with this guy. It sickened me, I cut all contact.
As I got weirder and weirder, my relationship to trine was destined to end. I was around 18 at this point. Even though there were plenty of evidence to suggest the destination, when it finally happened, it hit me like a hammer. I went into this deep, deep depression, and it would take me over a year to get past it. She'd been the only thing keeping me floating, you know, but now se just couldn't take anymore. I blamed her for that at the time, just like I blamed everyone around me. I became very aggressive, I would always get into fights on the pubs. I started experimenting with drugs, which needless to say did not improve my situation. I'm just lucky the meth wave didn't really hit us until a year later. Had I been jumping that, I probably wouldn't have gotten out. So yeah, I was in this hole, ever digging myself deeper and deeper. I tried seeing a shrink, but I couldn't take the way she looked at me, I couldn't take the pity. Eventually, that's how I felt about everybody. I dropped out of school after an incident when I smashed a mirror and tried to cut my own wrists. Believe me lads, this is harder than it sounds,and I wasn't ready for it. Of course things didn't get easier with Trine going to the same school as I.
When you're in this spot, the last thing you need is too much time on your hands. Having dropped out at school, I had plenty of time to sit around alone in my dads house drinking canned beer, thinking of how much I hated planet earth. I lost most of my frineds, only a couple of them holding on. One day my dad came home and found me passed out on the bed with an empty bottle of painkillers. He freaked out, and I was rushed to the hospital. They say it was a close call. I came home some time later. I kept alone for a while, not drinking or snorring nothing. One day I got a phonecall from Trine. She said my dad had told her everything about it, and we talked. She was awesome, we must've spent hours on the phone. She said she'd come by, and she did. she spent the whole night with me, nothing going on, just her and I talking about things. She said she was sorry she had to leave, but she just couldn't take it anymore, said I was too destructive. For the first time since all this happened, I started to realise I couldn't blame everyone else for everything. I broke down, cried for hours. She just sad there with me, holding me. Eventually I fell asleep, and she went home during the morning i guess. When I woke up, I felt like a new man. She saved me man.
Now, it's wierd how your world can change so much over such a short amount of time. hours earlier I had felt like there was absolutely no hope, and now I just felt like getting back on my feet. Suddently it was all so much easier, and it was all uphill from there. As I previously mentioned, it would take me over a year to stand up straight again, but I got there as time went on.
I'm now 21, turning 22 in the summer. I'm a changed man, not at all who I used to be. I'm done with the drugs, and I'm no longer an "alcoholic". I still like to go out with my mates, getting all shitfaced, but it's finally under control. I don't talk to Trine anymore, she's started a new life in Copenhagen with this kid Anders. he's allright though, and I'm happy for her. but I'm even more happy for me, I never thought I'd rise again. My life isn't perfect, this isn't a fairy tale, but it's a hell of a lot better than it used to be. I guess for once I have a sense of hope.

So yeah, that's my story, or some of it at least.

[N. Escalona]

That was a hell of a read. Good on you.

[echo_trail]

Thank you.

[Demonic]

Woah. That is massive. Good job on pulling through though.

I'll try to keep my story short - memories are blurred away in supression. There are things that you just never want to see again.

To sum my childhood up, and not bore you with too much details, to me, marriage was something where you willingly choose to live together with your worst enemy. And you make children.

Take two alcoholics. Verbal abuse? Both guilty. Physical abuse? Both guilty. Not in my direction though, no, they loved me. They always did. They just hated each other. There was lots of screaming. Lots of crying. There was blood, there was crying. There was escaping to distant relatives. There were better times, only to get dragged back again into the mud. The relatives, they ain't no better either. Fucked up lifes, misery and alcohol. It was always the booze or the money. And the jealousy. And the rage. The horror.

Then the divorce. The moving away. Seeing mom only at weekends. The alcohol problems didn't stop, for either of them. The new boyfriends who were even worse than my dad. My step-mother who is a borderline sociopath. The stupidity. The tears, the arguing, the really nasty fights.

And then my mother died. Three story fall, hitting the concrete. Suicide.

I was a coward. Always a coward. As a kid, I didn't step up to save her. I wasn't there for her. I didn't stop those wackjobs from dragging her around. If only I wasn't so afraid of losing their love, I could have done something. If I didn't escape into my own sub-reality of video games and whatnot, I could have stopped it all.

And my dad drank even more. Because of my stepmom. He almost died. Got in a hospital. His busted face, the blood, and the last time I cried. The pressure in one household with the woman bitching about everything. That was rock-bottom. If this was life, I didn't want to live it.

And then... it somehow got fixed. Growing a bone for total apathy and a morality forged in hell by two devils who loved me, I could make it stop. It was cruel, there was fighting. But it stopped. Somehow. My step-mom moved away, only saw her at the weekends at best. My dad stopped drinking. We can talk again. Like we were friends.

Now? Now there's a different class of rock bottom going on. Nothing comparable to the above: but finding true love on the other side of the fucking country didn't work out. Not with neglecting everything else for it, and then growing tired, and then not getting bailed out by the significant other. Winter was about self destruction. About a constant urge to cry, and being unable to do so. About memories swarming back, about realizing that the world doesn't owe you anything, and ultimately, it was always your fault, and the saviour will never come. Not in the form of God, not in the form of a girl, not in the form of anything greater, not in any -ism. You're alone in hell.

But spring is here. I can feel it. The weather is changing, the sun stays on the sky for longer and longer. And I feel... relieved. It's time to conquer the world, one step at the time.

[tehsnipah]

Holy shit echo.... That's horrible...

[echo_trail]

Sorry to hear about your mother, D. About you being a coward, what could you really have done?

[Smegma]

The world owes you everything and you already have it.