Remember a while back when I offered up the opening chapter to my story for your criticizing delight? Sure you do. If not, this link should refresh your memory:
http://forums.soldat.pl/index.php?topic=31977.0Well, I'm back again with chapter 2. The first page is a summary of chapter 1, so not only do you not have to read that again, but if you're new to the story, you'll have an idea of what you're getting into. (Hint: It's 21 pages of goodness.)
http://people.msoe.edu/~brayshaj/files/story/Chapter%202.pdfSo load up your criticism cannons and fire away. Anything's fair game, from the font face to the flow of the story. How's the pacing? Is it technically sound? Can you follow it? If so, does it make sense? Are the characters acting in a logical manner? Pretty much the same things I wanted to know last time.
Please note that criticism does me a LOT more good than praise, so feel free to focus on the bad stuff. I've already resolved to rewrite the first chapter sometime, meaning that your comments last time were well received. I've addressed some of your concerns in this chapter, such as more flavorful dialogue, though I admit those additions were planned well before I had done any writing. I also threw in an analogy or two (or more? who knows), so you'll have to let me know how forced or fluid those sound.
Anyway, with luck this should be more representative of what I want the story to be, since we're out of the introduction phase and I can focus on telling the story and developing the characters. I have
LOTS more planned (by my count, I'm only 3 or 4 percent into the story, and even that number seems a bit high to me), so keep the suggestions rolling. Every little bit helps.
Thanks guys. Enjoy! =)
EDIT: The first chapter is here, in case you want to read through it again:
http://people.msoe.edu/~brayshaj/files/story/Chapter%201.pdf
