Author Topic: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2  (Read 8300 times)

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Offline tehsnipah

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Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« on: March 21, 2009, 06:56:35 pm »
Unfortunately, I didn't have that much nice montage, so I decided to take Platehead's montage. Damn, I also don't know if I should make a story, or just a dramatic montage.....

Chapter 2 - Mental Adrenaline

Jesus fucking Christ, the enemies pinned us down for a week, and I thought they still didn't have enough. I had been assigned towards the infiltrating unit; taking time out without them noticing us. My backup's leader, Major Gundek, followed along with me and two other rooks. While we were moving down the tunnel, Major Gundek explained to us the situation. "Listen soldiers, the control found something that the enemy have a new device recently, they say it can bring back dead soldiers back to life in no time. They want us to first, take out those bastards at the top of the hill, then infiltrate the enemy's base to take their device; then we get our ass outta here. We need you most, uh... What's your name soldier?"

He faced towards me. I said to him in a timid way. "Lieutenant Havoc sir."
"Havoc, I got something to tell you... It's about your town..."
I listened to him. Then, I started to cry.
"No... It can't be... No, the whole city!?"
"Sorry son... The whole city was bombed for three days, we found no survivors... I'm sorry about your families and friends... I'll give you time to cool down."
I cried for about five minutes, kicking on the ground hard, cried with anger. But I had to finish something before I do anything else.

When we went down to the tunnel, there were two ways. We decided to split up; our leader and a rook went down the tunnel, and the other rook and I went up to kill the enemies at the hill. I took out my knife, since it would be stupid to use an unsilenced sniper rifle in the open. The rook asked me what he should do since he didn't have a knife. "Just cover my back, and stay quiet."

We went up the hill, and when I checked how many enemies there were... I felt pathetic. There were only four enemies at the top of the hill, while there were twenty of us down the hill. I sneaked up on two enemies close by me; and I stabbed their throat to make sure they don't scream. I turned to the rook. "Hey, you never fired your gun to real people, right?"
"Well... No sir..."
"I want you to take these two out, they're for you."
"But-"
"Think of it as if I'm making a man out of you."

He hesitated in the beginning, but then he lifted his Ak-74 up and shot both of them. What surprised me was... He shot both of them in the head.

We went back down the hill to help Major Gundek and the other rook. Just when I was about to contact him, Major Gundek contacted me. "Havoc, I need a backup A.S.A.P.! I'm at the lower tunnel, and my partner's K.I.A.."
"We'll be right there sir. Havoc out."

The rook stared at me with the eye expressing, "We're fucked...". "Well, you heard him. Let's move out."

We went down the tunnel, and there we saw, our leader, and the other six enemies. I jumped down and threw my knife; it stuck into the enemy's head. I was reaching for my sniper rifle... The hell... It was gone! I must've dropped it at the hill and forgot! I was sure that I was definitely fucked... Right at that time, Major Gundek tossed me his MP5 and his clips. I knew it was too late for me to reload. But I saw the knife stuck in the dead enemy's head. I started to run towards it. I picked it up, threw it towards the other enemy in the distance of 10 feet. I was shot in the torso two times by a pair of Desert Eagles. I didn't know how, but I luckily killed him by throwing it right into his heart...

I had no strength to get back up for some reason... I faced towards the enemies... One of them was killed by the rook, and rest of them were killed by Major Gundek's grenade and SOCOM. Major Gundek was relieved, "Well, at least you weren't dead. Come on son, give me your hand."

I was lifted up from the ground, picked up the Desert Eagles, and started to march down to the enemy's base. Major Gundek took the lead, the rook second, and I the last. They told me to take the enemy's device and run away while they cover me. I went to the farther underground path to give myself a momentum to run away while the other two were the bait.

While they started to act as a decoy, I took that chance and rushed to get the device. I snatched it, then started to run for the sake of my life. I putted the device in my bag and held my Desert Eagles up. I saw the other two catching up with me. We started to run up the hill... Then all of the sudden, the rook was blown into pieces by the enemy's LAW.

I was stunned and shocked... He saved MY life... But I couldn't save his life... Tears went down my face, but this time, with anger. I shot towards the bastard who killed my partner three times in the head. I got shot only in my left arm twice. When we saw the rest of our troops at the upper hill, we took that chance and ran away faster.

Soon, we reached our base. Finally, it was over. Major Gundek contacted with our helicopter to pick us up. But then... Out of nowhere, an enemy came out of our under ground passage and sawed through the Major's stomach, lifting it up until it sawed through Major's head. I was then furious. I rushed towards him with my empty rounds of Desert Eagles, dove into him, then beat him up with my guns until I saw his brain.

I shouted, "WHY? Why didn't I die!? Why!" I wept, and lamented both the rook and the Major. When I was picked up by the helicopter and sat on the farthest seat from the rest of the soldiers, I looked at my hands. Fists clenched so hard, that my veins popped out, bled a little; it was shaking with anger. I didn't know what kept me going. I lost my families, friends, my original troops, and my life saviors in this fucking war... But what the hell kept me going?...

Vengeance? Yes... Vengeance... With vengeance alone, I will live on... And kill all of those bastards who caused my loss.
"Prudence is good when pulling the trigger on a heavy firearm. It's all or nothing. So is life, wouldn't you say?"

Offline Thinkto urself

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #1 on: March 21, 2009, 07:14:37 pm »
Montage
Mon•tage
a musical composed of fragments of music; a quick succession or burst of dialogue or of music and sound effects used to fill the gap in time of a play, opera, etc.
EG: The Jonas Brothers sometimes make music montages.

Gonna highlight everything that does not make sense, or wrong, because I didn't last time.
and I thought they still didn't have enough.
Enough Viagra?
My backup's leader
Backup isn't something that you would use like that.
EG: GUYS WE NEED BACKUP SERGEANT MCKINLEY EXPLODEDLOLOLOLOL
Listen soldiers, the control found something that the enemy have a new device recently
Whaaaaa?
I felt pathetic. There were only four enemies at the top of the hill, while there were twenty of us down the hill.
Well why send two people when you have 20?
"Havoc, I need a backup A.S.A.P.! I'm at the lower tunnel, and my partner's K.I.A.."
Rough translation; "And my partner's killed in action" He's gonna get killed in action?
The rook stared at me with the eye expressing
Someone else's eye isn't something you want to look at someone with.
it was shaking with anger.
You wouldn't say "it" if you're referring to your own limb. Not exactly wrong, but it sounds bad.

Are you being inspired by SquirrelKing?
« Last Edit: March 21, 2009, 07:22:07 pm by Thinkto urself »

"An anomaly of the sea, shrouded in ubiquitous clouds, a mystery to the man as black holes to the world's smartest physicists"

Offline el,goog

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2009, 07:55:13 pm »
Great story. Is there going to be another one? What map?
 
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Offline tehsnipah

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2009, 09:06:58 pm »
@Thinkto:
Didn't have enough fun shooting at them.
For the top of the hill part, because the rooks had no balls to rush.
My partner's K.I.A= my partner is killed in action.

You're that too stupid to fix it by yourself and read it? Besides, I make these stories in a day, this one, I sort of rushed through, since I told them that I'll try to load it up today.
And also, what the hell is SquirrelKing?...
« Last Edit: March 21, 2009, 09:11:40 pm by tehsnipah »
"Prudence is good when pulling the trigger on a heavy firearm. It's all or nothing. So is life, wouldn't you say?"

Offline tehsnipah

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #4 on: March 21, 2009, 09:08:20 pm »
Great story. Is there going to be another one? What map?
 
Chapter 3 probably won't have the violence. But it will lead to something interesting.

Hint: tw
"Prudence is good when pulling the trigger on a heavy firearm. It's all or nothing. So is life, wouldn't you say?"

Offline Thinkto urself

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2009, 09:18:24 pm »
@Thinkto:
Didn't have enough fun shooting at them.
For the top of the hill part, because the rooks had no balls to rush.
My partner's K.I.A= my partner is killed in action.

You're that too stupid to fix it by yourself and read it? Besides, I make these stories in a day, this one, I sort of rushed through, since I told them that I'll try to load it up today.
And also, what the hell is SquirrelKing?...

This is your problem, you don't take criticism and aren't going to change no matter what people say. This was written in 45 minutes, I posted it for CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISCISM. You get better at things through the process of CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISCISM.
I wasn't even being mean, it's how you interpret all these things and how you see your writing. Not everything is right, and you just can't live with that and reject everything. In your angry reply, you even messed up. I don't know if it's blind rage that you messed it up, but when you find where, I'll give you a cookie.

An internet will also be rewarded if you find where "and the pants were dead," is from.
« Last Edit: March 21, 2009, 09:19:57 pm by Thinkto urself »

"An anomaly of the sea, shrouded in ubiquitous clouds, a mystery to the man as black holes to the world's smartest physicists"

Offline el,goog

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #6 on: March 21, 2009, 09:51:06 pm »
ah ma gawd
it doesn't matter if there's tiny mistakes and what's the point of criticising a story.
he's not an author ::)
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Offline N. Escalona

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #7 on: March 21, 2009, 09:55:32 pm »
if we didn't criticise each other there wouldn't be much progress in the world
Do you want to see me crawl across the floor to you?
Do you want to hear me beg you to take me back?
I'd gladly do it because
I don't want to fade away.

Offline el,goog

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #8 on: March 21, 2009, 10:01:19 pm »
good point, but this is soldat...  real life is waiting outside, where the sun is shining and the girls are blowing.
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Offline tehsnipah

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #9 on: March 21, 2009, 10:10:06 pm »
I don't care, just what the hell is "Squirrel King"?!?!??!
"Prudence is good when pulling the trigger on a heavy firearm. It's all or nothing. So is life, wouldn't you say?"

Offline el,goog

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2009, 10:20:46 pm »
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Offline tehsnipah

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #11 on: March 21, 2009, 11:08:31 pm »
Ooh, so that's who he is. Nope, never heard of him. I just felt like writing a story, that's all. :D
"Prudence is good when pulling the trigger on a heavy firearm. It's all or nothing. So is life, wouldn't you say?"

Offline Platehead

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #12 on: March 22, 2009, 12:52:35 am »
NICE STORY xD
Love it keep it up
Sorry I'm not a TW player so no moments for me there
"It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels." -- Augustine

Offline adam01526

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #13 on: March 22, 2009, 04:23:07 am »
Montage
Mon•tage
a musical composed of fragments of music; a quick succession or burst of dialogue or of music and sound effects used to fill the gap in time of a play, opera, etc.
EG: The Jonas Brothers sometimes make music montages.

Gonna highlight everything that does not make sense, or wrong, because I didn't last time.
and I thought they still didn't have enough.
Enough Viagra?
My backup's leader
Backup isn't something that you would use like that.
EG: GUYS WE NEED BACKUP SERGEANT MCKINLEY EXPLODEDLOLOLOLOL
Listen soldiers, the control found something that the enemy have a new device recently
Whaaaaa?
I felt pathetic. There were only four enemies at the top of the hill, while there were twenty of us down the hill.
Well why send two people when you have 20?
"Havoc, I need a backup A.S.A.P.! I'm at the lower tunnel, and my partner's K.I.A.."
Rough translation; "And my partner's killed in action" He's gonna get killed in action?
The rook stared at me with the eye expressing
Someone else's eye isn't something you want to look at someone with.
it was shaking with anger.
You wouldn't say "it" if you're referring to your own limb. Not exactly wrong, but it sounds bad.

Are you being inspired by SquirrelKing?


Excuse me but are you trying to be a d**k because thats what it seems like. It was a good story and there is no need to pick it to pieces.

Offline tehsnipah

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #14 on: March 22, 2009, 09:24:03 am »
Just leave it Adams. ~_~
Anyways, it'll take a while this time, because I gotta find a good map and play on it.
"Prudence is good when pulling the trigger on a heavy firearm. It's all or nothing. So is life, wouldn't you say?"

Offline FlyingForehead

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #15 on: March 23, 2009, 04:05:30 am »
Good story but lacks depth. It's as if you havent given much thought into it. Maybe thats the angle you were aiming at? I dont know, but still.

My advice, if you have played of been witness to a story-applicable moment ingame, before you write it up, give some thought as to what you want in the story.

E.g: Do you want the whole thing? Or just part of it? Are some bits suitable and eas to write out without much hassle? And then once you've finished, proof read it. Go through it adn edit bits, take bits out, didverse on certain bits. Go nuts.

Still, a relatively good read.

You can find me in the masturbation thread. At least that one is somewhat more interesting

Offline demoniac93

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #16 on: March 23, 2009, 09:04:40 am »
*BEFORE YOU READ TAKE A NOTE : i ain't gonna be insulting about anything here, so take it easy.

This is just a TYPICAL beginner's story, even better than average IMO, however i agree that it lacks depth, and a basic center for it, beside some slight grammar\logical mistakes ;/
but it's good and it's got emotion\scheme...
cause i don't think anyone would survive 2 Deagle shots in the chest, or be able to hit anyone with 2 bullets in his arm...don't get pissed believe me i liked it and only wanna help you out becoming an even better writer...peace.
« Last Edit: March 23, 2009, 12:28:05 pm by demoniac93 »
b&

Offline tehsnipah

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #17 on: March 23, 2009, 02:20:39 pm »
But this is Soldat version... Haven't you realized that yet?
"Prudence is good when pulling the trigger on a heavy firearm. It's all or nothing. So is life, wouldn't you say?"

Offline Sir Jeremy

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #18 on: March 23, 2009, 02:41:47 pm »
Interestingly amusing story Teh. ;)

I like how an M72 Law was finally mentioned in the story.
Also if you need more footage try playing a sna.gather with me, and you might get some juicy action. 

Really nicely written though I found and can't wait for the next part. 8)

Offline tehsnipah

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Re: Nothing but Tears - Chapt 2
« Reply #19 on: March 23, 2009, 03:48:06 pm »
WARNING FOR EVERYONE, NEXT PART IS JUST A PREVIEW, THIS WILL TAKE A WHILE, BECAUSE I NEVER PLAYED TW BEFORE, AND IT'LL TAKE FEW DAYS TO CHOOSE A MAP AND MAKE A STORY OF IT!!!
"Prudence is good when pulling the trigger on a heavy firearm. It's all or nothing. So is life, wouldn't you say?"