poem i wrote

[jettlarue]

A short poem I wrote, took me around 30 minutes. Title is uhh...selective memory I guess. A bit on the blue side. Give me some comments if you want?


I've met
  2 types
  of hell.
One
  I try
  to forget.
And another
  I was
  taught.
I used to think
  You never learn
  anything
  you are trying
  to
  forget.
Then
  I remembered
  there are
  2 types
  of hell.
And you wont
Forget
  what you try
  to
Forget.

[Snow]

It's good. Though I've studied lots and lots of English courses in Art College and University... never had a thing for poems. It's definitely interesting. The last third of it, when you say, "Then I remembered,..." kind of disrupts it and for an instant seems to not completely make sense, but then you start to see that it fits and works. For something short and simple, I rarely give praise, since I am extremely picky, but I like.

[Mistercharles]

I'll be honest in saying that line breaks aren't all that important. I used to use them a lot, they seemed to be quite useful, similar in effect to the em dash. Try replacing them with em dashes though, you'll see how annoying frequent breaks are.

So yeah, less breaks. I understand you were attempting to give it a stylistic edge, but in this case it was annoying. E.E. Cummings is the master of grammar in poetry. Read his stuff.

It was pretty dark, but the awkward sounding bits tripped it up. Come back to it in a few months and see what can be done.

[lopezz]

this is cool, ive tried and failled at making poems