so what happens after soldat? [IMG heavy!]

[Demonic]

Top of the mornin' to you fucks.


I'm Demonic, your friendly neighbourhood retired forum admin. I'm unsure how many of you still recognize the name (besides jrgp, but he's practically a relic at this point... and to think he was a n00b once). So to sum it up, I played Soldat from 2003/4 until 2008. I made a movie once and have a couple of default maps. I vaguely remember fucking up the weapon balance for one version.


Either way, I have a good hour and a half to waste before meeting a lovely lady who doubles as my therapist, and since I've already knocked down three-four beers after work, here's some shiznit for ya. With pictures. AND LOVE!



that's me, in my room, with my cat Marx, and my favourite vice.


so. to recap a long story short, I used to be this guy:





like the great many who are addicted to vidya, I was always 'mature for my age'. turns out that's just a fancy phrase for being socially retarded, sheltered and troubled.


I mean, when your mom dies, you take comfort with your friends.


I messaged a guy named 'knot' on MSN. He was a soldat-friend.


(And he disappeared sometime after alexoner photoshopped his sister's pictures with a dick in her mouth, which wasn't that funny considering the chick was making a living out of modelling... but I digress).


So the years pass, as they do. You do some laps, make yer mistakes (I became a nazi for example), and then shit sorts itself out. You get an ugly girlfriend or two, you fall in love, you have your heart broken.



You don't give up on trying to fish acclaim from strangers on the internet though.


And then you break some too. Not just yet, not so fast, and not because you're a malovelent bastard... it's just that you're trying to be so fucking perfect all the time, you fear failure, you fear owning up to your mistakes so much that you don't even dare make any.


So you bail early, and when things irrevocably turn for the worst, it dawns upon you that the issue might not be with a global conspiracy to make your life worse, and it's not that people are bad... it's you.


And nazism turns out to be a passing trend. Like emo.


But nobody really prepared us for dubstep, did they?


You seek community. The same feeling you once known amidst of anonymous strangers on the internet, with the flavour of genuine human interaction. And man, you're thirsty, it's not even thirst, it's straight up fucking 'lost in the sahara' dehydration, you'll take a drop of water from whoever. Some, you'll learn to regret. Some, like Soldat, in due time you will out grow. And some sticks in your mind like a splinter, forever unremovable.


So I started working for a hardcore webzine, and joined the local improv-everywhere. Look no further for social interaction without the actual chance of getting laid then these two.


Or so I thought.



There are two soldat players in this picture. Yours truly in the ugly hoodie on the far right.


And you shave your head. A few times.


You're going to be bald sooner or later anyway. Do yourself a favour, and don't shave it preemptively.


Ever wondered what would happen if everyone you've ever loved vanished? Ever wondered what happens when the distance between you and your friends becomes an interstellar space? Ever feel the frustration of having nobody to blame, just being left alone, at the mercy of circumstance? Ever want to break down and cry, only to have every shoulder so-far-ever present having a list of priorities which you will never make?



My ex-high school class. None of us finished college or university. Several of them don't live in the country anymore. The rest of us don't really talk either.


Depression is always portrayed in the media as if the curtain just suddenly drops, unexpected. The cruel reality of it is pararrel to a rowdy night: it all starts clear and okay, and the next thing you know you're lost somewhere dark with nobody to turn to.


Everyone tackles it differently. For those who want to drown in apathy, there's weed. For the people who forever fear being stranded and alone with their thoughts, there's a wide array of designer drugs and parties catering especially for them.


After a broken heart, a drop out of college and nothing but a small room at my dad's with a hateful stepmom and a shitty myspace, I turned to the bottle. In this country, if you're broke and sad, the dive-bar is your best friend.


You flatten as a person, and the feeling pans out, seemingly stretching into forever. The diseases of the mind are the same as of the body in the sense that everything is overshadowed by the dreaded feeling that this is here to stay, this is permanent.


But it turns out the more you pull your head out of your ass, the less distant other people become, and the sooner those chokepoints of the past become meaningless lights in the dark. Time is a highway, and the present is the car you're sitting in. You just need to step on the gas.



Living upside down has become quite the literal picture for me over time.


You find friends in the unexpected, while simultaneously re-evaluating your friendships so far. The anonymous quote of having kinship with some and history with others will ring true forever. Some speak without uttering a word in a language you find oh so familiar, while others speak in words that you know too well but could never relate to again.


Awkwardness begins to crystallize as what it really is, and it becomes less of an object of a false sense of superiority over the plebs... but rather the distant mile which you learn to walk. New doors and windows open wide as you walk down a corridor which is only darkened by your fears and ever-present feeling of inadequacy.


Now, at this point, Disney would have you believe that you fall in love again.


Unfortunately, I'm not a character conjured by fat execs in L.A. I'm a deeply damaged person, who first had the misfortune of becoming a PUA.


(Then I did fall in love, but that's a whole different story of abuse and psychological torture for all parties involved).


If you haven't heard of this wonderful sham, which serves to pander to the forever alone 'over analyzing every detail of every conversation' people, here's a wikipedia link.


To cut a long story short, even if you're sharper than the average tool, this is not the best available option to self-medicate. I'd personally recommend Taoism, starting with the Tao of Pooh.


In the meanwhile, let it be known that if you have a wonderful, loving, beautiful girlfriend, who you ditch and claim that your overwhelming jealousy issues will be fixed by PUA...


...you're gonna have a bad time.


Oh, you'll fuck three football team worth of women with the substitutes and misc. staff, but still, it's gonna hurt.


Her especially.



Getting drunk helps a fuckload though.


So the fucked up thing about PUA... is that for every toll it takes. It works. Rejection? Nigga, I've been rejected... I've gotten slapped, I've gotten threatened by guys, I've gotten told to fuck off, hell I had a girl throw up after talking to me.


But designate yourself to a task, and it will work. I've designated myself to Soldat and in two years I was running a good portion of the community... once I assigned myself to PUA, two years later I'm holding a seminar for the Hungarian acolytes.


Odd shit? Odd shit.



In the meanwhile you take up a personality. You grow to be an image you aspire. In ethics and aesthetics.


Or Skins. Man, it's much more fun on TV than living it...


...speaking of which:





Or remember when I mentioned meeting people in the weirdest places?



Sometimes the people you get close enough to give an arm and a leg come from the weirdest places... 's my current roommate. The mohawks. Checkem.



that's n00bface on the right... and a hungarian pop-star in the middle. besides this picture we only have slight recognition of this night.


This post is getting long enough, and it's only at 'what happened until 2011'... I'll cut it short, so here's the take away;


It gets better. You won't. But it ain't worth no sweat.


You can't catch me not smiling. Bittersweet is a good taste to have in your mouth. You'll learn love, friendship, you'll get enemies and you'll learn to fight to tooth and nail... and you'll get lost and the end is never the end, but a bigger punch you get to recover from with more ferocity than you have ever imagined previously.



some party in my apartment... I think I've screwed all the women present on the picture, but they're blurred so idk who was there.


so yeah, that's that. I'm thinking of reinstalling soldat for a few gathers, or to write the last couple of years in detail. Wherever hardcore takes me.


Where does it take you?

[Ymies]

awesome read man. soldat has always been quite a chunk of my life although i rarely allow it to blend in with the reality part of it. there are certain things i regret in this virtual life of mine and one of the greatest regrets is allowing SaD to abandon you. i still think of it every now and then when i do soldat-related stuff, i'm not quite sure anymore what my role was in all that but i guess the clan was at a critical point of what-the-hell-are-we-doing. you always struck to me as one of the really smart guys who happened to pass by, leaving myself forever ponder the impact on your life by the good people on the internet. i've made a lot of friends during my time here but each and every one of them are different and the ease of actually finding these people is a significant chance of learing about yourself and life itself, no matter how trivial some people consider their gaming hobbies

what can i say, i feel like my e-life is a lot like your reality. i've met and left behind tons of people, i've felt retarded, i've felt double retarded and as i've lately thought a lot about my past i can finally see how long it actually took for me to grow up, both as an internet person as a real human. i don't feel that i was mature for my age back in the day but now i do, it kind of only took for me to realize that being a nerd is in no way a bad thing, if anything it's a cultural advantage. you just need to be able to judge for yourself who to listen

i've spent so much time in the community of soldat that all my acquaintances of old actually drive me this emotional. i like it though, being able to feel about people you're never going to meet reminds you about being human

i feel like writing more but i've never been that gifted at the pen. i just wish i could have this feeling more often, but most of the people of the past are never coming back

p.s. i never knew you had a nazi phase

[porquilho]

What is with this picking up women subculture that you identify yourself.
I think it's despicable.

[croat1gamer]

Heh, im not sure if i know a more interesting person from the internet than you.
Its actually amazing when you watch stuff like this in retrospect and thing that have changed- you, others, everything.


Just wondering, where will you be somewhere around the 30th this month?
Going on a trip with a dozen of friends and we'll stop for a day or two in Budapest, and fuck me if i miss a chance to meet you in person.

[homerofgods]

You write really well. It was interresting to read about your wild life, since my life is nothing of that kind.

[Demonic]

awesome read man. soldat has always been quite a chunk of my life although i rarely allow it to blend in with the reality part of it. there are certain things i regret in this virtual life of mine and one of the greatest regrets is allowing SaD to abandon you. i still think of it every now and then when i do soldat-related stuff, i'm not quite sure anymore what my role was in all that but i guess the clan was at a critical point of what-the-hell-are-we-doing. you always struck to me as one of the really smart guys who happened to pass by, leaving myself forever ponder the impact on your life by the good people on the internet. i've made a lot of friends during my time here but each and every one of them are different and the ease of actually finding these people is a significant chance of learing about yourself and life itself, no matter how trivial some people consider their gaming hobbies

what can i say, i feel like my e-life is a lot like your reality. i've met and left behind tons of people, i've felt retarded, i've felt double retarded and as i've lately thought a lot about my past i can finally see how long it actually took for me to grow up, both as an internet person as a real human. i don't feel that i was mature for my age back in the day but now i do, it kind of only took for me to realize that being a nerd is in no way a bad thing, if anything it's a cultural advantage. you just need to be able to judge for yourself who to listen

i've spent so much time in the community of soldat that all my acquaintances of old actually drive me this emotional. i like it though, being able to feel about people you're never going to meet reminds you about being human

i feel like writing more but i've never been that gifted at the pen. i just wish i could have this feeling more often, but most of the people of the past are never coming back

p.s. i never knew you had a nazi phase

Oh man. #sad.private was the most fun I had as a kid. Fragbait recounting how he broke his dick...

All the wars, the clan drama. Hell, I think we had clans instead of girlfriends. It was serious shit! Clanhoppers... and how we wondered how the fuck could Sneaky be playing in both an american and a european clan at the same time. I'm having a whole load of feels.

Soldat. Soldat soldat.

Oh Ymie you had me so fooled. The great and old Ymie, who I figured was laconic because he thought the horseplay was immature!

Like Soldat radio. My first real date with a girl, and Chakra and Ok are making fun of me on TS...

The nazism was also related to soldat. A then skinhead Hungarian soldat player sent me the link to a neonazi portal, and as my first immersion to politics, yeah, for a smart kid I was really dumb.

Think I evened it out with the far-left activism later on.


Eye of Terror, Ciesta and me. Sweden last year. The picture is blurry because the camera sucks. AND because I was hammered.

What is with this picking up women subculture that you identify yourself.
I think it's despicable.

I don't really anymore. I just know it in and out. At one point we were going to do our own coaching company with a friend, but the industry is beyond fucked up. So I said fuck it, fuck you, I'm fucking out. Backstabbing everywhere, with the pros just looking at the profit margins, not actually caring about the clients... ruthless competing.

And I'm not going to stand next to a thirty-something, fat guy in an Ed Hardy shit who claims that his product is the end-to-be solution for all panties to drop, while claiming he has had sex with a thousand women. And the client would rather believe him than me, because as opposed to that, I say: if you want to get women, you'll have to better yourself. And it's going to be hard.

Because it is despicable, but I'm not despicable. I'm surrounded by people who have to keep secrets, because the things they do would hurt them if the wrong people knew about it... me? I don't lie. I stand by what I do, even if I fuck up. Secrets are for cowards.

Then again, I'm a coward too. We all are. But I'm used to the beatings of life, another kick or two doesn't make a difference. At the end of the road we'll all be pulp.

Despicable. Good word. But I'm not running around getting women drunk in hopes of getting them in my bed. They get me drunk

Heh, im not sure if i know a more interesting person from the internet than you.
Its actually amazing when you watch stuff like this in retrospect and thing that have changed- you, others, everything.


Just wondering, where will you be somewhere around the 30th this month?
Going on a trip with a dozen of friends and we'll stop for a day or two in Budapest, and fuck me if i miss a chance to meet you in person.

Heh. I'm not that interesting, I'm just bad at staying put. Plus I can connect the things in a way that they make out a story, not just random events. Fuck, n00bface is interesting. First summer he spent here was sponsored by his album sales... dude's a wizard as far as I'm concerned.

Don't yet know about the 30th. I'll have to check my schedule, I might be working.

You write really well. It was interresting to read about your wild life, since my life is nothing of that kind.

Leave the house, ask questions, be a dick. And stay off the bath-salts!

[Ymies]

actually yeah, i was retarded enough to think of myself mature when i was a kid because i thought that fooling around was dumb. now i know better. and i fool around a lot, i kinda learned to understand how little people actually care about the actions of a single individual when he attempts to embarrass himself in public. running around naked at the camping sites of other people in the twilight is fun as hell, but then having to talk to them while doing so makes up for years of self-loathing and awkwardness

this is a picture of me eating an onion in a paper hat and a pink floyd tee. what a lovely drinking game

[Chariot]

Holy shit EoT I miss that guy.

[sneakyg]

So many good times with soldat. It all seemed so intense and serious at the time but i made lots of good friends and memories

take care of yourself dude!

[Smegma]

Very well written Demonic, I enjoyed it thoroughly. In fact, I found great interest in the fact that it appears while we traveled starkly different paths we, in some sense, arrived at the same conclusions, even if tainted slightly by our previous dispositions.  Its selfishly reassuring to apparently see someone else who has glimpsed reality enough times to fix its true taste upon their palate, especially someone who I thought was in such a stark opposition from myself, and has come back with similar propositions. Although, to be fair, my image of you long ago was based on snippets of who you really were.

Or perhaps its worse than that and I have merely transformed you into me to simply placate myself.

I don't know where this is going, but I guess I wanted to say that I love you.

[Ymies]

my bet is that he's never been told he's being loved like that

[croat1gamer]

Completely unrelated: Budapest is awesome.

[jrgp]

Completely unrelated: Budapest is awesome.

I don't think I see how that is unrelated, but it certainly makes me want to vacation to europe someday. Unfortunately I'm kinda tied to the US right now because of work and school.

[Atticus]

Oh the memories. We certainly went down different paths in life. Maybe it's the fact that I was never very serious about Soldat when I played, but I still feel a connection with the game. It makes me smile to see old names on IRC or the forums. It is strange to think that I care about this game at all still, but I do. What is very strange is that two players from Soldat go to the same university as me. I met Owls (from R7) at a restaurant last year. What a small world the internet makes.

[croat1gamer]

For Demonic: Checked out some place called 'the hole', quite nice but my peops dodnt like it. Was both nights at the thing that looked like a festival, was called Zoid or sth ar Rackin bridge. `(or so i was told)
JESUS CHRIST WHY AM I GOING AWAY TOMORROW, BUDAPEST IS MORE AWESOME THAN EXPECTED I WANNA STAYYYYYYY

[Chariot]

Oh the memories. We certainly went down different paths in life. Maybe it's the fact that I was never very serious about Soldat when I played, but I still feel a connection with the game. It makes me smile to see old names on IRC or the forums. It is strange to think that I care about this game at all still, but I do. What is very strange is that two players from Soldat go to the same university as me. I met Owls (from R7) at a restaurant last year. What a small world the internet makes.

You two still in SC?

[croat1gamer]

Making a short sum of the excursion:

Awesome time, Budapest was a real suprise, didnt expect it to be that good.
Prague was also neat, but the hotel was a straight downgrade when comparing to the one in Budapest.

The nightlife in both cities is great, but some clubs are incredibly pricey. Im still not 100% sure if the "Pub Crawl" offers are a real deal or just scams. I mean, 20e for 2.5hrs of limitless alcohol?

Also, goddamn gypsies. Broke into our bus, stole some bags, amongst them was mine with my passport and camera. I took 1k photos with it.


All in all, awesome excursion, would do again.
My souvenirs:



Almost forgot, short addendum when meeting someone who doesnt share a common language with you:
If its a girl, after asking which room is she, make sure to ask who is she sharing it with.

Met a russain girl, kinda managed to get along and stuff, anycase, to cut it short:
Got back to the hotel around 1am, thought why not go to her as she is leaving tomorrow.
Had the idea to take my ushanka and a bottle of vodka.

Thanks god i didnt.

I cannot explain my horror when the door was opened not by a cute russian girl but her father who can be easily described as a soldier the size of a smaller mountain. I thought that he was going to punch me directly in the room across the hallway because some german students were knocking on everyones doors the last few nights, and quite possibly his one too as he seemed quite annoyed.
Somehow i survived that encounter by excusing the following few minutes and trying to explain i am waiting for the door across his, and that some drunk guy went (again) on a door knock spree.

[Atticus]

Oh the memories. We certainly went down different paths in life. Maybe it's the fact that I was never very serious about Soldat when I played, but I still feel a connection with the game. It makes me smile to see old names on IRC or the forums. It is strange to think that I care about this game at all still, but I do. What is very strange is that two players from Soldat go to the same university as me. I met Owls (from R7) at a restaurant last year. What a small world the internet makes.

You two still in SC?

Yes Sir. Decided to stay here for graduate school. You?

[xurich]

Fucking Demonic, I miss you, bro. I was always sad that you weren't around longer with us in SCTFL staff; you were always a consistent voice of reason. And, of course, I miss our conversations as well. :-( You should definitely pop by IRC sometime, and yeah let's get a couple of gathers going if you have the time. Then you can school me in the art of womanizing!!

[13th_account]

I always envisioned you as a diligent, introvert and polite student at around the age of 16. It crushes my heart to find out that you're an extrovert smoker who fraternizes with girls and hangs out next to beige walls.

=(

[S4R]

I always looked up to you guys. I started in '04, and played for a long time. I never succeeded in Soldat; becoming an amazing player and winning a SCTFL championship. I used to be so depressed playing this game, never being able to be as good as you guys. Now that I look back on it it's funny, but back then all of you guys were my idles. People I've never met, people I've barely talked to. Demonic, Sneaky, knot, Urhos, xurich, etc. Everyone from Soldat Veterans, C'n'S, Hawtsecks, and more. Those were good times, and I had a lot of great friends over the internet, which seems weird as hell. Rai-Dei, Atticus/Shinoda, & Shady were real close, that was fucking awesome. Other dudes I used to talk to, you know who you are. I used to skip school just so I could play this 2D game. I would try and explain to others how beautiful this game was, only for them to think I was crazy. Eventually I just gave up, and enjoyed the game for myself. Most of you guys haven't even heard of me, and that's cool.

I guess in the end you find new interests though. Always had a thing for website design, and I'm still trying to reach the top of my career in that field. Rai-Dei just texted me today, good day to reminisce about the past as I've downed a few beers during lunch. I miss this game, and the people. I try and install Soldat to play another gather a couple times a year. Kids are getting good though. I still check the forums now and then, just to see what's new. I guess what I'm trying to get at is this; thank you Soldat for the rad times, and the friends I've met over the years. It was fun while it lasted.

[xurich]

S4R <3

come play some gathers with us, man!

[n00bface]

xurich just wants to play gathers guys

come on

play gathers with xurich guys

[xurich]

n00face BRO you're back in USA right? why the fuck aren't you around more? why aren't we gathering it up, man?

[Ymies]

xurich i think that your nofap is having a fatal effect on your social contacts man

[xurich]

I've given it up.

"Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin
As self-neglecting."

[Demonic]

i don't even know anymore which fucking channels to join man, otherwise I'd drop in more often!

[xurich]

#fluffy_muffins the coolest hangout around
also #sna.gather and #sctfl.staff if you remember the pw (i will remind you if not!)

[n00bface]

ah fuck i forgot the sctfl.staff password i feel like such an idiot

[xurich]

i would remind you but you never talk to me so i can't

[Naliz]

Thanks, it was a nice read.

[Laser Guy]

All in all pretty much all of you have come quite a long way... and it's still only the tip of an iceberg to be honest.

[Chariot]

Oh the memories. We certainly went down different paths in life. Maybe it's the fact that I was never very serious about Soldat when I played, but I still feel a connection with the game. It makes me smile to see old names on IRC or the forums. It is strange to think that I care about this game at all still, but I do. What is very strange is that two players from Soldat go to the same university as me. I met Owls (from R7) at a restaurant last year. What a small world the internet makes.

You two still in SC?

Yes Sir. Decided to stay here for graduate school. You?

Yep, wasting away in Columbia still.

[Kazuki]

Goddamn it. This brings back so many memories.

[iAmBullet]

In the beginning of the movie it's sad to know the fact that thousands of people played Soldat daily a few years ago and now the amount of people who play Soldat today is the equivalent to the 10% of good people back then... :c

[100% not captain ben]

goddammit so here i am sitting naked and covered in lube and semen, just enjoying the beautiful afterglow of the best beat off session ever [stuck a carrot in my ass- BOSS AS HELL] and i'm like... i feel like having a round of soldat.
so i cruise on down to the soldat webdiddely and remember i used to haunt this butthole of a forum.
this place is a relic, i'm surprised i clicked on this thread and saw some names i recognized

AND THEN I SEE THIS DEPRESSING NOSTALGIA BULLSHIT
thanks alot, so i'm going to be spending the whole day reminiscing over this place and having a big boohoo. or maybe another wank. the day is still young.

[jrgp]

goddammit so here i am sitting naked and covered in lube and semen, just enjoying the beautiful afterglow of the best beat off session ever [stuck a carrot in my ass- BOSS AS HELL] and i'm like... i feel like having a round of soldat.
so i cruise on down to the soldat webdiddely and remember i used to haunt this butthole of a forum.
this place is a relic, i'm surprised i clicked on this thread and saw some names i recognized

AND THEN I SEE THIS DEPRESSING NOSTALGIA BULLSHIT
thanks alot, so i'm going to be spending the whole day reminiscing over this place and having a big boohoo. or maybe another wank. the day is still young.

Did you eat the carrot afterwards or is it still up your ass?

[100% not captain ben]

back in the fridge... i wrapped a condom around it so i could eat it if i couldn't be bothered getting some dinner

[Demonic]

motherfuckers you still alive?

who's missing... Ok, Chakra, Vij. knot and jazz. Milkmandan. Chaka.

Flies.

Lazehboi...

snipes

goddamit, christmas beer and nostalgia everywhere

[alexoner]

Wassup Demonic...
Just for the record - Knot didn't dissapear due to my childish acts, which I regret... We made-up soon after it had happened and are friends now, though with that being said I haven't spoken to him for a good couple of years.... He's vanished from irc completely.

Seeing S4R post here has made me smile... It's been awhile bro! Come to irc and say hi properly

[Demonic]

Wassup Demonic...
Just for the record - Knot didn't dissapear due to my childish acts, which I regret... We made-up soon after it had happened and are friends now, though with that being said I haven't spoken to him for a good couple of years.... He's vanished from irc completely.

Seeing S4R post here has made me smile... It's been awhile bro! Come to irc and say hi properly

Yeah, I know, he was around for a while after that and poof, disappeared. Miss the cunt.

And again, what channels? I drop by then and now and everything is either empty or gather/CW spam by czehoslovakians.

[alexoner]

Are you kidding? You haven't been away for that long....
#soldat.gather still has alot of old faces you'll recognise

[jrgp]

Flies.

Flies is still alive and well, just significantly more focused on King Arthur's Gold (of which he's a dev).

[echo_trail]

Kinda sad to see i missed this thing. Will have to do a proper post when i get home from Budapest..

[w00titsme]

I've been playing with years, to think of all the people i've met on servers and built friendships with, shoot, I even remember before eC tw servers, after them, and all the other rise and falls of the gamemodes, it sure as hell has been a great ride, but everything good must have it's end. I hope you gentleman take care, i'll still be spending my time on Leo's and the Aus7ral server, but i'll miss all the old gold.

[w00titsme]

Flies.

Flies is still alive and well, just significantly more focused on King Arthur's Gold (of which he's a dev).

Must be nice joining a creator that abandons projects and turns them in p2p, can't even have an original idea he had to rip of terraria lmao.

[Geoffrey]

I hope you are still doing well Demonic. Nice to hear something from you. It's a shame the images aren't up any more though.

[Demonic]

Yeah, they were from facebook which I set to private after a few embarrassing incidents in which I called in sick while being tagged on a photo where I'm clearly inebriated.

Such is life.

[nosejj]

Nazi? Really? :L


Edit: well, I did not mean to focus on that. I was just really tired last night, and from all that read that's all I thought of.
I appreciate your honesty about your life. And also have to mention that your English is incredibly good, I didn't remember it as much.
But I guess by the time you got more involved in administration and being and [SaD] and all, I had some army duties.


It really saddens me to hear you've been involved in a Nazi movement of some kind. You didn't really say a lot about that.
But still, as an Israeli especially, I just don't realize how can people still think this magical regime can work.
I believe people do mistakes, Aye. But that's one hell of a mistake. Just don't realize how one gets that way...

I'm not here to criticize. We all know life can pretty much get upside-down. More of a shock to me.

I like that you work to perfect your practical field in whatever it is that you want to do with your life.
Just hope that you stay off such decision. You're illustrated to me as such a smart guy.

Oh well...
The world's a tragedy, ain't it?


Cheers

[Demonic]

Yeah. Well, the whole nazi thing... what is important to understand, I think, that the frustration comes first. When someone gets drawn in to the whole right wing movement, they don't give two damns about politics. They're just really, really frustrated. I know I was. My family was fucked, I wasn't getting laid, everyone around me was dumb (or so I thought), and life didn't make a whole lot of sense.

The whole nazi narrative... not the magic kingdom itself, but the narrative, how it blames your problems on liberalism, and the decay of morals, how it's all engineered by some conspiracy, it does a good job for making sense of it all. It's simple, to the point, and easy to digest. Yeah, it's also a whole load of horsecrap - but if you haven't done your reading, if all your input is from the same right wing corner, well, it draws you in. The mind is incredibly good at gliding over inconsistencies and contradictions, of which the nazi narrative (or as they call it lately, the new right) is full of. But that doesn't matter, because when you get in, finally, it's not that you are at fault for being unable to make peace with the world, your problems can be blamed on imaginary enemies, or super-mystified real people who you never really meet.

I guess this is what all political manipulation boils down to: for those who are dumb and frustrated, present a boogey man and they will rally behind whatever your cause is.

It's something I regret, but ultimately lead me to be much more aware of how the mind works, and how I can't trust myself, or more precisely, my wits on its own.

For what it's worth, half of my friends are jewish, my niece is a beautiful gipsy girl, and I'm the most vocal anti-authority / pro-LBGT / antifa in this corner of the city.

The world's a tragedy eh.

Glad you're still around nosejj!

[Blacksheepboy]

Hey, that's legit. I went to a mental hospital within the last year, and met a girl that reminds me a little of you. I've had some weird ass experiences since last you mentioned something about being a gnostic (haha, gnostic.) Glad that is over. I'm now a legit potential small business owner. Gotta spend the time somehow, and managing is alright.

[panda_bear_smoking]

demonic i love you great post not sure if ye remember me jebushunter here, been playing non-stop "i think" for ten years, i wonder if soldat helped many people to self actualization. it did for me, in combo with other variables,  if any really really old dogs, noob face and the likes are out their they might remember what a dumb ass kid i was back when i first, and pretty much every time i joined the forums at 14 after playing a few years. what i wonder is that if years of pro level playing requiring "back in the days" deep insight into opponents thought processes thinking    " im talking like 2v2 scrims and when 2 titian's would clash in a full 32 server and clear it down to them, if that practice of thinking caused soldat player to develop more mentally mature. i use to try to stab peeps "aka every family member at age 6-8" as a child, lol hate and rage no longer i,      fuck i've made friends that i cant communicate with on soldat randomly in just one match for hours of playing with one knife, sharing is caring  i love u all so much, soldat has meant so much to me, and as it dies i feel my soul withdraw, lol cant wait to have kids and brainwash them into playing with me, i really will never be able to give it up. after soldat is the box in the ground "hopefully shortly after"


remember that if you walk a mile in a person shoes you would feel for them, iff you walked their whole life you would be them.       


the infinity question ,          am i a machine with no free will, is it fate to ask this , and that , and that , and that, and that,and that, and that, and that, and that   
 

[Demonic]

holy shit jebushunter

[jrgp]

demonic i love you great post not sure if ye remember me jebushunter here, been playing non-stop "i think" for ten years, i wonder if soldat helped many people to self actualization. it did for me, in combo with other variables,  if any really really old dogs, noob face and the likes are out their they might remember what a dumb ass kid i was back when i first, and pretty much every time i joined the forums at 14 after playing a few years. what i wonder is that if years of pro level playing requiring "back in the days" deep insight into opponents thought processes thinking    " im talking like 2v2 scrims and when 2 titian's would clash in a full 32 server and clear it down to them, if that practice of thinking caused soldat player to develop more mentally mature. i use to try to stab peeps "aka every family member at age 6-8" as a child, lol hate and rage no longer i,      fuck i've made friends that i cant communicate with on soldat randomly in just one match for hours of playing with one knife, sharing is caring  i love u all so much, soldat has meant so much to me, and as it dies i feel my soul withdraw, lol cant wait to have kids and brainwash them into playing with me, i really will never be able to give it up. after soldat is the box in the ground "hopefully shortly after"


remember that if you walk a mile in a person shoes you would feel for them, iff you walked their whole life you would be them.       


the infinity question ,          am i a machine with no free will, is it fate to ask this , and that , and that , and that, and that,and that, and that, and that, and that   
 

Holy shit mah nigga you remember me??

[Zamorak]

super nostalgia thread, man.

#soldat.gather is still active? really?

[Demonic]

Fuck knows.

The other day I got added by a bunch of ex-hungarian soldatters, and I'm one mouse purchase away from reinstalling it again...

On an unrelated note, I'm learning javascript and html5 at the moment, and the idea came to me that soldat could be booted through node.js in a browser only mode...

am I wrong? >looking at jrgp

[jrgp]

On an unrelated note, I'm learning javascript and html5 at the moment, and the idea came to me that soldat could be booted through node.js in a browser only mode...

am I wrong? >looking at jrgp

Yes, you can make a client-side web-browser version of soldat using HTML5/Canvas/WebGL/WebSockets/et al.

Performance will probably only be decent in Chrome, and getting all of the physics right will be hard unless you're really good at game development.

Regarding node.js, that's primarily for server-side/headless apps rather than client-side javascript, but it could certainly be used for a server-side dedicated server meant to interface with client-side JS Soldat.

In my honest opinion though, while it's technically *possible*, I don't feel like it's worth all of the work.

It's probably more of a painful rewrite than redoing Soldat in C++/OpenGL, except for people who live-breath-shit javascript.

[Demonic]

yeah, I figured it'd be a pain in the ass development wise. I'll return to the thought when I'm deeper in, maybe it's just a side effect of getting my feet wet and going "holy shit look at all the things you can build with this!"

[Gnoblar]

Reading that story explained so much...