I am Takeryl, translated to Lucifer. I am the one who knew the most about God, and was therefore tasked to council Adam and Eve into how to not eat from the Tree of Good and Evil. I had more time with them, I would have succeeded, but I was called up to heaven to take care of an emergency. I told them it would take them ten minutes, and I'd be back.
In that time, there were still imperfect, and so Eve got the notion to masturbate, an evil mortal sin IF it is done with gluttony and avarice. First, it was gluttony, so she fell. Then, she wanted to also curse Adam and ruin his life for HER OWN PLEASURE, and so it then was also avarice. Men, since they didn't intend to sin, and only fell to temptation, got a much easier curse than women, because the first woman in our universe (there are multiple universes) was so corrupt.
I came back with God at my side, and we were walking and talking in the garden, enjoying the seventy two degree weather, under the shade of the trees. Then we heard a cry, as if two couples were fighting. This being unusual -- though as a clause, I've been to other planets, and while the people might argue, this argument was very escalated. They were talking about sex, and Adam was extremely pissed. Eve was being the traditional feminist we know of today, saying "It is WOMAN'S RIGHTS to domineer over the man, because I have the gift of fertility. You are a bitch, and I hope all your posterity are cursed for my sake."
It got worse. Adam, infuriorated, wanted to take a walk, but Eve grabbed his arm and BIT IT! But not hard enough to cause a wound. He, being fed up, with her extreme injustice, slapped her and said, " WOMAN, MIND YOUR HOUSE!"
She shouted back, "I AM MINDING MY HOUSE."
Then comes the bad news. Adam, infected with only venial sin could have said, "Forget it," and there would have been no original sin. But, since they had already made out, he tackled her and raped her out of false justice.
This shit's real.
