Here, check this prologue -

[Hello There]

Check this prologue out.

For those of you who dont know what a prologue is...search it on google.

And tell me what you think of it.

Its a sample of a  ing 1337 story my friend is making. When hes got it done ill post the whole thing.

[a-4-year-old]

boring, no explotions

[Hello There]

...its a prlogue made solely for lureing the reader into the story, shouldnt have any explosions...

[kingkitty]

so...where the hell is the prologue...

[Hello There]

...the part that i posted is only the prologue itself...

Ill post the 1st 2 pages or something when he has the whole story finished

[a-4-year-old]

...its a prlogue made solely for lureing the reader into the story, shouldnt have any explosions...

yeah, if some random character explodes, you wanna find out who the fuck exploded the guy!

[VijchtiDoodah]

You have some talent, but you're going to need to find where you've hidden it.  Basically, you seem to know how to write and what elements you should stick into a piece to make it interesting, but when it comes to actually writing it you get lost.  So here are two general rules of thumb -- keep the piece flowing smoothly and always finish one idea before you begin another.

Your piece is like listening to morse code: you start an idea, pause, start another, and then get just keep jumping around.

I editted the first two paragraphs for you.  Keep in mind that this is a bare-bones edit because I don't have the time to figure out what you're really trying to say -- I'm just piling more wood onto this dilapidated little thing, but I'm not really fixing the underlying structure.  This should give you an idea of what your prologue should sound like:

    The strangest things can happen to a boy of 14.  Especially if there’s a girl involved,  especially if you live at the end, and if that end is the end of it all.  Whether it’s the end of human civilization or the end of a great fable, do not give up. (Something like "never give up" would be more powerful, but using that would depend on what you're trying to convey.)
    There used to be a beautiful road in the land.  It had lots of people selling goods in the market and quietly sharing evenings in their homes along its sides. (Here, you're going to have to convince the reader that the road really was beautiful.  Imagining a bunch of people selling things doesn't really help at all and leaves far too much up to the reader's imagination.)  But good things don’t last.  An evil man and his demon have destroyed the road and now the only way to bring it back to peace is if two people kill the demon and then walk down the road as a couple. (I'm not sure if that's what you meant.  However, this is the perfect point to place a cliffhanger: "And now a man must slay the beast and, hand in hand with his lover, walk down the road that used to be so beautiful..." -- Only not so cheesy.)  They must do both on the same day or evil will wreck everything.  If the road isn’t destroyed, then the end will come.(I thought the whole idea was to bring the road back to its former glory, not destroy it...)



Now the rest of the prologue is confusing as hell.  You need to describe who or what the Yingth are either directly before or directly after you say that they aren't helping.  Then tell my why the Forest of Bullan is so important, otherwise it's like giving a lecture on the history of the world and then suddenly saying "Oh, this room is really nice."  And if the Yingth ruined the forest "once again," at least give an explanation of what they did the first time, and then give an even better explanation of what they've done this time. 

You can't just expect your audience to roll with the punches and let you make up all this crazy stuff in a series of non-sequiturs and then move on without explaining a single thing.  Hell, almost every sentence in this thing could be turned into a big, fat paragraph or even an entire page.  Remember, if you want people interested, you can't just say "Yeah, so there is a war with some lasers and bad dudes, there is also a forest" you have to tell them why there is a war, who those bad people are and what they're doing there, and what all of that has to do with that particular forest.

[Dascoo]

This topic is exploding my eye.