Author Topic: Real-Life Quotes (Read 3633 times)

Rambo_6 · « **on:** December 20, 2006, 10:36:19 pm »

This one came from our talking at dinner time.

My family is ****ed up.

Alex: "Cameron's mom is a lesbian"

Mom: "And i'm sure she's a nice person too"

Alex: "No, no, you see, they cancel eachother out"

Post your own.

Dascoo · « **Reply #1 on:** December 20, 2006, 10:41:48 pm »

"Go back to asia" - My newfie friend we all call Fiander

Wraithlike · « **Reply #2 on:** December 20, 2006, 10:45:54 pm »

I was sitting backwards on a chair and a friend shook it trying to knock me off, and I said, "It's a four-legged pony!"

Some from my friends:

"We could go to Asia and camp in a tree"

"I need an adjective...Like thunder!"

"I'm not addicted to Grand Theft Auto, I play it every day"

One of my favorites, from this kind of stupid girl I used to know names Katie: "My mom calls me Katie, I don't know why"

Graham · « **Reply #3 on:** December 20, 2006, 10:46:23 pm »

"BJ stop ****ing a box" - Something a coworker said to my manager back at Arby's once

"We don't use the "L" word in our family"(love) - Something we have to explain to people that ask about our family.

Dascoo · « **Reply #4 on:** December 20, 2006, 10:49:44 pm »

"That's jokes" - Another friend in Art.

"Charlie, put away the pepsi" - My science teacher

VijchtiDoodah · « **Reply #5 on:** December 20, 2006, 11:25:45 pm »

"I just clean it up with paper towels, right?" After she spilled hydrochloric acid all over our lab bench.

Unlucky XIII · « **Reply #6 on:** December 20, 2006, 11:36:33 pm »

"And the only reason she will go out with you is because you have two things in common - long, blond hair and an attraction to men" Me jokingly to one of my friends who was teasing me about a girl I liked.

"Have you tried reformatting it?" Our IT teacher to one of the other student's who was complaining the internet wouldn't work - I hope she meant restart.

Mistercharles · « **Reply #7 on:** December 20, 2006, 11:42:01 pm »

A few days ago, I was sitting near the dry mount presses (photography), and I got really impatient. I opened the door early and said to the print, "Are you done loading yet?" This was not me trying to be funny, for a moment I actually thought it was photoshop processing an image.

I need a life.

-Vis- · « **Reply #8 on:** December 21, 2006, 12:15:28 am »

Friend of mine was buying some fish and chips back in England. The owner asked whether he wanted them "Open or wrapped?", to which he replied, "Yes please.".

Milkman Dan · « **Reply #9 on:** December 21, 2006, 03:11:40 am »

So... so I'm talking to my friend Eddie, right? And I say, I say.. "Hey Eddie, got any crack?", he then says "of course" and so I'm like to the guy "give me some" and so he's like "sure thing boss" and so we do a few lines together and get high. The end.

karmazon · « **Reply #10 on:** December 21, 2006, 04:40:39 am »

"Hi, where you from?"

"Poland"

"Cool!......is that in Canada?"

M.rSnow · « **Reply #11 on:** December 21, 2006, 04:58:18 am »

U mean like?:
My brother David:There isn´t any intelligent life since i was born.

This can mean 2 things:
1. As soon as he was born he lowered the standard to almost 0 whit his dumbness
2.He killed all intelligent life.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

There are also some others:

A dialog between my mom And my sister annelie:
Mom:look annelie there is a frog.
Annelie:Il fix it.
*stops on the frog 7 times*
mom: What the....

dialog Between clown and my sister:
Clown:I need a voluntary for the next trick, anyone?
*Annelie raise her hand*
Clown:You come up on stage.
*annelie walks up to the stage*
Clown:Do you want to learn some medic tricks?
*Annelie takes on a total natural face and says:no*
*Clown stands there n 10seconds and just smile then cries and walk out from the stage 5 minutes later he comes back and says*
Clown: Your little demon u got me fired!
*the crowd laughs and annelie begins to cry*
*Later we under stand that the clown was joking*

By the way she was 7 wen this happened.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now to mine dialogs:
Dialog between me and mom after i rolled down (head first) the stairs at home:

Mom:Ow my lord what happened!
*I smile and says*
Mattias:I rolled down the stairs.
Mom: Are you hurt!?
Me:no
Mom:Are you sure?
Me:yes
Mom no your damaged u probably just chocked.
Me:no i ain't please let me be.
Mom:You probably got some kind of brain damage. call 112! (Swedish 911 number)
Me: no i don't have any brain damage
*Mom runs to the phone*
*me grabs some Donald duck:co and runs to the toilet and lock my self in and wen mom is coming back shes has 2 medics and a first aid whit her*
*After an half an hour they pick the lock then the medics just stands there and look at me pooing.*
Mom says:Bandage him! Now he might bleed to death.
*I only had an small mark and they puts an bandage on it and walks away.*

Funny ey? its hard to translate to don't grumble over my grammar.

Dascoo · « **Reply #12 on:** December 21, 2006, 06:48:55 am »

"I love you charlie" - Everyone

Camping_carl · « **Reply #13 on:** December 21, 2006, 07:30:01 am »

^_^ IS that your leg?!

The Red Guy · « **Reply #14 on:** December 21, 2006, 07:33:02 am »

Father - "Why didn't you drink tea today?"
Me - "Because I drank water..."
Father - "Tea is much better for you"

..::HHH::.. · « **Reply #15 on:** December 21, 2006, 10:55:47 am »

Frank - "Christian has moaned about that he has to pee for 5 straight hours"

me(batman) - "yea, his wife won't give him the combination to his shorts"

Christian complaint about the need to pee, but refused to do it..

PANZERCATWAGON · « **Reply #16 on:** December 21, 2006, 02:23:13 pm »

Old ICT teacher - "The teachers shouldn't have to wear uniform just because the students have to aswell, I don't get why you find it so hard, can't you just wear uniform and follow the rules we give you?"

Me - "Because a person won't follow rules enforced by someone else if that person who enforced those rules doesn't obey those rules to start."

Old ICT teacher - "Oh, who said that?"

Me - "I did."

Dascoo · « **Reply #17 on:** December 21, 2006, 03:13:17 pm »

Quote from: Camping_carl on December 21, 2006, 07:30:01 am

^_^ IS that your leg?!

kekekekkeke

"Charlie are you high?" - Dylan, who was high.

homey188 · « **Reply #18 on:** December 21, 2006, 03:14:56 pm »

"OHMYGOD! Hes a Chinese spy!!"- My friend when I told him I like chinese food.

Some random guy: "Dude, are you on crack?"
my friend:" Well, occasionally."

History teacher: "What holiday to you celebrate this month?"
kid: Cristmas.
History teacher: I KNEW IT! You're a pagan.

a-4-year-old · « **Reply #19 on:** December 21, 2006, 03:21:51 pm »

Messing with golfers is fun...
what is two plus four?
FORE!

Amblin · « **Reply #20 on:** December 21, 2006, 04:46:24 pm »

Our most awesome, now retired, math and CS teacher.

"You don't take a shit on the desk either, now do you?"

Camping_carl · « **Reply #21 on:** December 22, 2006, 04:02:17 am »

Quote from: Amblin on December 21, 2006, 04:46:24 pm

Our most awesome, now retired, math and CS teacher.

"You don't take a **** on the desk either, now do you?"

your an admin and you dont make funny

Liber Lupus · « **Reply #22 on:** December 22, 2006, 08:03:59 am »

Friend's grandma: "How big is this internet? About the size of a tv?

Dascoo · « **Reply #23 on:** December 22, 2006, 08:05:38 am »

"How big" - Lne

M.rSnow · « **Reply #24 on:** December 22, 2006, 11:57:17 am »

I met a guy in down town of vaxjo (Swedish town) from nowhere a guy came and just screamed "WOOOOOOT UR NOOB" really strange guy and i knew exactly what he wanted (irony).

o and i nearly forgot my big brother.
I walked in to the room were he was playing soldat. I looked a wile (he suxed and camped) then (in Swedish of curse) i said:U Lamo.
And suddenly i was attcked by him. he hit me 1 time and i blocked the other punches (he wasnt hitting hard) afet aboute 7 seconds he stopped and jumped back the the computor. I said "Why the hell did u do that" he awnserd "i had Flamegod mode.."

He probebly just wanted to hit me.

Liber Lupus · « **Reply #25 on:** December 22, 2006, 02:00:20 pm »

Quote from: M.rSnow on December 22, 2006, 11:57:17 am

I met a guy in down town of vaxjo (Swedish town) from nowhere a guy came and just screamed "WOOOOOOT UR NOOB" really strange guy and i knew exactly what he wanted (irony).

Well, I have a friend who goes hugging random people on the street. He's creepy, but fun to hang out with.

M.rSnow · « **Reply #26 on:** December 26, 2006, 01:21:08 pm »

Nice friend u got (Have he been in Sweden lately?)

papercut · « **Reply #27 on:** December 26, 2006, 02:10:55 pm »

1. "AIMBOTT JHAX0ER"

2. Sean (A short, pudgy, yet overall cool friend of ours) comes in to my buddy's kitchen without his shirt off, pushing his manboobs together

"Look guys, I can do milkshakes!!"

RabidTreeFrog · « **Reply #28 on:** December 27, 2006, 02:08:25 pm »

Coming out my after school robotics class...

Girl: C'mon, we just have to wait for a few minutes.
Dumb Girl: It's so boring! I hate waiting!
Girl:Well, what do you think I was doing while you were in detention?
Dumb: Oh WOW, you were standing outside!

-Vis- · « **Reply #29 on:** December 27, 2006, 04:16:27 pm »

Quote from: M.rSnow on December 22, 2006, 11:57:17 am

o and i nearly forgot my big brother.
I walked in to the room were he was playing soldat. I looked a wile (he suxed and camped) then (in Swedish of curse) i said:U Lamo.
And suddenly i was attcked by him. he hit me 1 time and i blocked the other punches (he wasnt hitting hard) afet aboute 7 seconds he stopped and jumped back the the computor. I said "Why the hell did u do that" he awnserd "i had Flamegod mode.."

Haha.. that's pretty funny.

Espressokuppi · « **Reply #30 on:** December 27, 2006, 05:04:08 pm »

My friend once said something like this to me:
"You with a girl? I wouldn't believe it, even if I see it!"

a-4-year-old · « **Reply #31 on:** December 27, 2006, 07:41:50 pm »

Listening to an Ipod shuffle:
OH NO ITS EVANECENCE, AND IT ISN'T THE PART WHERE THEY AREN'T SINGING

AlphaVergo · « **Reply #32 on:** December 28, 2006, 12:17:38 pm »

After I had hit five people in a group with a incedary grenade in rainbow six vegas, they all screamed at the same time ahhhhhhhh, what the F***, howd we catch ourselves on fire!!!, not funnybut it sounded really weird at the time(you had too be there type of thing).

Rambo_6 · « **Reply #33 on:** December 28, 2006, 10:34:57 pm »

Most of these quotes are either "you had to be there", or they just plain aren't that good.

I'mma go sulk now.

a-4-year-old · « **Reply #34 on:** December 29, 2006, 09:55:57 pm »

aww, we need to cheer him up

"That garbage doesn't belong in the trash!"

MofoNofo · « **Reply #35 on:** December 29, 2006, 10:56:49 pm »

"You don't throw dog poo in the recycling bin!"

..
Yeah I thought they recycled "waste" with recycling bins.

Wolf_Man · « **Reply #36 on:** December 29, 2006, 11:08:58 pm »

I was at swings and bailey had her legs between the poles and was spinning around the pole

Me: You look like a pole stripper

Bailey:Say What!?

then i start laughing n we changed the subject ^^

another one

Bailey: My moms a mail lady

Me:Oh.....

Bailey: They're bumper stickers that make fun of her and stuff

Me:*thinks to him self: ohhh that kinda mail lady*

Zegovia · « **Reply #37 on:** December 30, 2006, 04:55:12 pm »

While playing A cyberpunk RPG, with me as the GM, i sorta misplaced my words...

"If they didnt manage to kill him within 30 seconds, he would have died in a moment anyway..."

Hmmmm.....

M.rSnow · « **Reply #38 on:** January 01, 2007, 05:57:48 pm »

Quote from: -Vis- on December 27, 2006, 04:16:27 pm

Quote from: M.rSnow on December 22, 2006, 11:57:17 am
o and i nearly forgot my big brother.
I walked in to the room were he was playing soldat. I looked a wile (he suxed and camped) then (in Swedish of curse) i said:U Lamo.
And suddenly i was attcked by him. he hit me 1 time and i blocked the other punches (he wasnt hitting hard) afet aboute 7 seconds he stopped and jumped back the the computor. I said "Why the hell did u do that" he awnserd "i had Flamegod mode.."

Haha.. that's pretty funny.

Yeah aint he

I have lots of funny stuff but i don't remember em 4 posting.
But i have a funny O-T thing here http://jeffmilner.com/backmasking.htm nice. Amazing how they can do like that.

AlphaVergo · « **Reply #39 on:** January 02, 2007, 03:53:15 pm »

"isn't a crazy pueritorican redundant"
"no you stupid stupid idiots, oranges suck" (some random kid in my AP bio class after we had talked about the nutritional value of oranges)

Melbanana · « **Reply #40 on:** January 03, 2007, 09:46:02 am »

Here's a retarded (sadly, not intentionally) quote of myself:

The place is a gas station in Gibraltar, and I have succeeded in finding some snacks for our field trip.
I approach the counter..

Me: *Smiles and lays the stuff on the counter*
Cashier lady: Pounds or Euros?

..To which i responded, in a rather startled way: How old I am? I'm 18 years old... Why?

Slashnoob · « **Reply #41 on:** January 03, 2007, 10:21:20 am »

first days of bootcamp -

me: damnit ma'am (addressing my female commander) i can't get up this early what am i a soldier?

..::HHH::.. · « **Reply #42 on:** January 04, 2007, 11:14:14 am »

Have i ever told you that your an amazing adorable girl? And that the guy who wins your heart is the luckyest guy In the world? - to my eh..fiance? before winning hers;-)

M.rSnow · « **Reply #43 on:** January 23, 2007, 03:43:12 pm »

Now this ain't a real Quote but its funny and i could have been one.
My mom works at "Alstom" here in Sweden they have a lot to do whit coal power plants and oil power plants and all kinds of power plants. and once in Sweden in "skåne" a state here in Sweden they had built some wind power stations. Mom visited one because shes like a "bug fixer". and wen she came there she was told that the power plant dint give any electricity. It was spinning and all but it wasn't giving a volt. then mom noticed that the power plant was spinning mush faster than the other once. then she told them:
Congratulations! You guys just built the worlds largest fan!
they was stunned of the costs of this they had been driving a 15 meters wide fan probably draining lost of volts of the other power plants.

When my mother came home we laughed ower asses off.

Krillious · « **Reply #44 on:** January 23, 2007, 03:52:56 pm »

me and some friends were talking and one of my friends said that his mum is evil and he started ranting about her then he was like 'nahhh i love her

))' then one of my other friends said I love her too then an other one then me (we were in a shop) and everyone was like I love her too lol (love as in they sleep with her lol)
i think it's one of those situations where you have to be there to get it lol

Dascoo · « **Reply #45 on:** January 23, 2007, 04:02:03 pm »

I asked my science teacher if we can make a coil gun for our elctricity and space unit. She said no.

Rhombus · « **Reply #46 on:** January 23, 2007, 04:27:48 pm »

+ I'll have chicken mcnuggets and a milkshake.
- What taste?
+ You got chicken mcnuggets in multiple tastes?

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Author Topic: Real-Life Quotes (Read 3633 times)