Author Topic: so there i was right (Read 8134 times)

100% not captain ben · « **on:** June 07, 2010, 10:18:39 am »

i was at a buddy of a buddy's house and there was a guy there being a mad doucheholio that everyone hated

the problem was he was like nine feet tall and did mongoloid thai martial arts and was pretty muscly... he was asian too so i don't know how that happened. he was the first asian i've ever seen that i couldn't sit on my shoulder and buy a big red balloon I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED you just don't understand.

anyway he drank like a bitch and passed out and i did some happy gas bulbs and thought it would be cool to steal his keys and do some handbrakies around the hood. the plan was he'd go to his car in the mornign and it would smell like burning rubber and his car keys would be missing. so you know, that would pretty much suck for him more than a slut with a v8 engine.

so me and this little 17 year old vixen hop in this crazy ass ching chong ricer and i'm working her gear stick THE CAR'S not her's and something a little bit dodgy happened... i smashed it into a bmw murcilago or something. so we speed back and put the car back exactly where is was and stuck his car keys back to his pocket while the my little mulatto vixen girl scooped up some spew from the garden and put it on and around his face and smeared it on the side of his car as well. anyway, the police rock up and we pretend to be asleep [i made her was her hands] and the host answers the door and talks to the police

ANYWAY the asian dude is being charged for drick driving, hooning and leaving the scene of an accident as well as having to pay for the damaged car as well as drug posession because i accidently left a half smoked joint in the car.

whats news guys long time no see

jrgp · « **Reply #1 on:** June 07, 2010, 11:37:11 am »

You crazy b*****d. Nice story, is that the reason you're back, to share it?

100% not captain ben · « **Reply #2 on:** June 07, 2010, 11:57:39 am »

just to be clear i'm the victim in all of this

iDante · « **Reply #3 on:** June 07, 2010, 03:37:25 pm »

omfg that avatar.
It's been so long, so many nights spent eating my fingers, waiting to see that bloody pig-thing get chewed on. But now you're back so it's all better.

Nice story btw.

Nixer · « **Reply #4 on:** June 07, 2010, 03:49:16 pm »

Isn't it a bunny?

Oh yeah, nice story.

Espadon · « **Reply #5 on:** June 07, 2010, 04:00:27 pm »

Dude I'm like 100% totally not welcoming you back with open arms.

lol bmw murcielago

L[0ne]R · « **Reply #6 on:** June 07, 2010, 10:17:15 pm »

That's very considerate of you posting the evidence right here on the forums for everyone to see. I hope those cops drop by as well.

I feel sorry for the asian dood.

-Major- · « **Reply #7 on:** June 07, 2010, 11:08:28 pm »

Quote from: L[0ne]R on June 07, 2010, 10:17:15 pm

That's very considerate of you posting the evidence right here on the forums for everyone to see. I hope those cops drop by as well.

I feel sorry for the asian dood.

no cute no pity ;o

100% not captain ben · « **Reply #8 on:** June 08, 2010, 12:35:55 am »

Quote from: Espadon on June 07, 2010, 04:00:27 pm

Dude I'm like 100% totally not welcoming you back with open arms.

thats just harsh you spanish rogue

ultraman · « **Reply #9 on:** June 08, 2010, 05:41:42 am »

hahahahaha man that is classic. i hope he was being a massive douche though otherwise thats a bit of a dog act.
although back when i was 17 me and a mate stole my dads bmw and drove it at 200 down the freeway while we were on magic mushrooms...lol

Blacksheepboy · « **Reply #10 on:** June 08, 2010, 05:46:26 am »

Quote from: ultraman on June 08, 2010, 05:41:42 am

a bit

lol.

Mittsu · « **Reply #11 on:** June 08, 2010, 08:30:00 am »

this story sucks, maybe it would be cool if it was true, otherwise not so much

demoniac93 · « **Reply #12 on:** June 08, 2010, 08:49:53 am »

Hey, you must be Superman!
Interesting tale, mate.

Laser Guy · « **Reply #13 on:** June 08, 2010, 09:17:53 am »

Whoah, Ben's back!

Shit just got real...

[SIRS]Foxconn^^2012 · « **Reply #14 on:** June 08, 2010, 09:41:27 am »

lololol bmw murcielago

peemonkey · « **Reply #15 on:** June 08, 2010, 12:50:56 pm »

Can i be back too?

100% not captain ben · « **Reply #16 on:** June 08, 2010, 01:25:51 pm »

peemonkey · « **Reply #17 on:** June 08, 2010, 09:43:42 pm »

n00bface · « **Reply #18 on:** June 08, 2010, 09:44:38 pm »

i don't think this is captain ben

Blue-ninja · « **Reply #19 on:** June 09, 2010, 12:42:12 am »

Sure isn't

100% not captain ben · « **Reply #20 on:** June 09, 2010, 01:01:33 am »

yeah i know so true right thank you for that nugget of knowledge

why is this place so dead now

{LAW} Gamer_2k4 · « **Reply #21 on:** June 09, 2010, 01:35:49 am »

You know, for whatever reason, it took me until just now to realize that the topic was actually, "So there I was, right..." rather than "So there, I was right."

Crazy.

chutem · « **Reply #22 on:** June 09, 2010, 02:06:28 am »

^^ Same here

Title didn't make sense after the story until today.

Boots · « **Reply #23 on:** June 09, 2010, 06:46:10 am »

gold.

finally this place may be interesting again.

demoniac93 · « **Reply #24 on:** June 09, 2010, 06:52:16 am »

Who wants to take a guess at who this guy might be?
(Seeing as some doubt he's not whoever it is his nickname suggests he is)

Blacksheepboy · « **Reply #25 on:** June 09, 2010, 07:05:56 am »

Quote from: demoniac93 on June 09, 2010, 06:52:16 am

(Seeing as some doubt he's not whoever it is his nickname suggests he is)

His name says that he isn't captain ben. lol

jrgp · « **Reply #26 on:** June 09, 2010, 07:13:40 am »

Maybe he's that weird Pope guy.

Blacksheepboy · « **Reply #27 on:** June 09, 2010, 08:40:12 am »

The pope incognito. Yes!

demoniac93 · « **Reply #28 on:** June 09, 2010, 11:00:02 am »

Quote from: Blacksheepboy on June 09, 2010, 07:05:56 am

Quote from: demoniac93 on June 09, 2010, 06:52:16 am
(Seeing as some doubt he's not whoever it is his nickname suggests he is)

His name says that he isn't captain ben. lol

Misdirection...
Especially when you're talking about shifty guys.

@Joe: Why, he got banned?

jrgp · « **Reply #29 on:** June 09, 2010, 02:34:53 pm »

Quote from: demoniac93 on June 09, 2010, 11:00:02 am

@Joe: Why, he got banned?

Looks like it was extreme spam, at least.

100% not captain ben · « **Reply #30 on:** June 09, 2010, 03:15:08 pm »

who are we talking about i'm so fucking lost

jrgp · « **Reply #31 on:** June 09, 2010, 03:32:06 pm »

Quote from: 100% not captain ben on June 09, 2010, 03:15:08 pm

who are we talking about i'm so f**king lost

This crazy dude who pops up at random times making weird as fuck topics.

n00bface · « **Reply #32 on:** June 09, 2010, 05:49:22 pm »

yeah except it's not a crazy dude, it's the elephant hunter on a novelty account.

Espadon · « **Reply #33 on:** June 09, 2010, 07:46:34 pm »

And the account was commandeered by his sidekick the penguin hunter for some of the crazier posts.

100% not captain ben · « **Reply #34 on:** June 09, 2010, 08:55:00 pm »

tat isn't me i looked at his posts and he sounds like a total deadshit

demoniac93 · « **Reply #35 on:** June 10, 2010, 04:34:26 am »

And you don't? :/

100% not captain ben · « **Reply #36 on:** June 10, 2010, 09:17:30 am »

no i don't mr emo-song-in-my-signature-because-i-think-i'm-so-deep-and-no-one-understands-me

demoniac93 · « **Reply #37 on:** June 10, 2010, 11:26:53 am »

Quote from: 100% not captain ben on June 10, 2010, 09:17:30 am

no i don't mr emo-song-in-my-signature-because-i-think-i'm-so-deep-and-no-one-understands-me

Emo is dead, I'm scene.

Lord Frunkamunch · « **Reply #38 on:** June 10, 2010, 11:33:37 am »

scene is deader, you're in denial.

demoniac93 · « **Reply #39 on:** June 10, 2010, 12:01:59 pm »

Quote from: Lord Frunkamunch on June 10, 2010, 11:33:37 am

scene is deader, you're in denial.

Google pics on "scene".

You were saying?

Lord Frunkamunch · « **Reply #40 on:** June 10, 2010, 12:12:51 pm »

Now? something along the lines of "jesus fuck kill it with fire"

peemonkey · « **Reply #41 on:** June 10, 2010, 01:50:58 pm »

You know what? fuck you people. you can all go to hell.

100% not captain ben · « **Reply #42 on:** June 10, 2010, 02:21:25 pm »

BUTT HURT ALERT

Stuffy · « **Reply #43 on:** June 10, 2010, 04:07:12 pm »

omg this thread is fucking weird.

Blacksheepboy · « **Reply #44 on:** June 10, 2010, 08:19:35 pm »

Quote from: peemonkey on June 10, 2010, 01:50:58 pm

You know what? f**k you people. you can all go to hell.

wut. where'd this guy come from. just drive-by "lawlhate"

100% not captain ben · « **Reply #45 on:** June 10, 2010, 11:24:56 pm »

so anyway back when i was 12 i made out with this cute little jew girl in another country

but 7 years later she had turned into a massive s**t and called me up to f**k when she found out i lived across the river from her in brisbane [turns out she moved there as well- i really don't give a s**t yo] she was also really drunk and screaming into the phone COME TO MY PLACE AND f**k ME
so of course i was all like yes please
anyway i was s**tfaced playing playstation with my buddy and ditched him at mine and caught a ferry across the river but when i got across i REALLY HAD TO s**t YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND and ran to the public toilets and let out one of those disgusting liquid machine gun ones that hit the water really hard and splash it back all over your ass and balls. not really relevant but i thought you all would like to know.

so i catch a taxi the rest of the way and she won't stop texting me and calling screaming HURRY UP AND GET HERE I'M SOP f**kING WET and the taxi is laughing and tells me 'to give her your best'. i finally get there and she runs out and starts making out with me... i was pretty relieved because i hadn't seen her in years and she was actually pretty hot [she was still jewish but what can i do about that?]. she introduced me to her flatmates and showed how free love she was by making out with them and then we went to her room
THEY WERE ALL GIRLS I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT

it was pretty good to start off with and she even enjoyed my foreplay of pouring vodka onto her vagina but halfway through the act she started saying s**t like 'i've always loved you ever since you gave me my first kiss' and asking me how my mum was doing WHILE I HAD MY PENIS IN HER MONEYMAKER and it was getting a little weird and i kind of wanted to get the f**k out of there because she started talking about her family.
while this was going on she was on her hands and knees and i thought it would be funny to pull at little joke on her and poke her in the asshole with my dick while making a kazoo sound but she screamed and jumped forward and smashed her head on the wall, spewed down the side between the bed and the wall and passed out.

i wasn't sure if she was faking so i made sure by flicking her clit a few times and she didn't react so i put her into the recovery position [i'm not a total monster].
i was going to get the f**k out of there but then i looked around the room and saw she had heaps of random s**t hanging off the walls and it was just too good to pass up... i grabbed the sombrero hanging off the wall, put it on her head and drew a mustache on with a sharpie and took pictures with my phone to send to my friends

anyway after turkey slapping her a few times i left at like 4 in the morning and stumbled across the bridge to get home and for the next 2 weeks she sent me death threats and said she had a gang and was going to kill me. after a while it got boring and i sent her a picture of her naked with a mustache and retarded mexican hat on her face with my dick sitting on her cheek and i haven't heard back from her since

and H-H-H-HOLY f**k THAT TOOK AGES TO TYPE

DarkCrusade · « **Reply #46 on:** June 11, 2010, 12:23:07 am »

Cool story bro

100% not captain ben · « **Reply #47 on:** June 11, 2010, 12:59:18 am »

thanks bro

demoniac93 · « **Reply #48 on:** June 11, 2010, 02:52:13 am »

Wow, you're the definition of a good troll; Sir, I applaud you.

Lord Frunkamunch: Yeah, predictable reaction

{LAW} Gamer_2k4 · « **Reply #49 on:** June 12, 2010, 01:04:57 am »

PANZER YOUR TALES OF JGRP ARE BEING OVERSHADOWED BY THIS NEW BARD

Laser Guy · « **Reply #50 on:** June 13, 2010, 10:59:18 am »

Fuck, I couldn't stop laughing... :X

Atticus · « **Reply #51 on:** June 13, 2010, 11:05:13 pm »

Either way this story made me laugh out laod

100% not captain ben · « **Reply #52 on:** June 14, 2010, 07:56:05 am »

i just got back from a couple of days at the gold coast and YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED
when we first got into the hotel i stole neville's lighter and made it so the flame was HUGE... with most $1 lighters you can take the top off and twist a little part of the lighter which makes it release more gas so the flame is bigger [science lesson over]
it's a really awesome way to f**k with people because they jump back when the f**k off huge flame comes out
so me and my stupid buddies decided to get trashed and head out into the bars on caville avenue and trawl for some gash

it wasn't going good

i tried to pick up a chick by going 'hey baby, you ever heard of greek style' but slapped me after she asked me to explain what it was and we all got thrown out for sack whacking eachother on the dancefloor
we hit this club called shooters after that and i got talking to this pretty cute emo girl that had these weird ass dreadlocks. because she had dreadlocks i pretty much offered for her to come back to the hotel and get stoned- she took the bait and said, "i get so horny when i get blazed" so right away i knew she was a wh*** and made sure to buy condoms on the way back.

SO WE GET BACK TO THE HOTEL and i do the gentlemanly s**t like make her a drink and crack out the bong. she asked for a lighter and being the gentleman i am, i gave her the one from my pocket.
she sits down outside and takes a deep breath and just as she lights the bowl FLAME EXPLODES ALL OVER HER FACE she dropped the lighter and the bong and screamed WHAT THE f**k WAS THAT

oh s**t
what
holy f**k

it was the lighter i was messing with before burned off her eyebrows and half of her fugly dreadlock fringe... she just kind of sat there for a couple of second and i lost my s**t and started laughing while she jumped up and ran into the bathroom and started screaming like a banshee getting fisted saying s**t like WHAT THE f**k YOU f**kING c**t WHY THE f**k WOULD YOU DO THAT YOU f**kING ASSHOLE

i couldn't stop laughing and was on the floor and she looks out and goes ITS NOT f**kING FUNNY which *of course* made me laugh harder so she f**king dived on me and full open palm slapped me on the balls and started trying to scratch at my face. i was fearing for my life so i pushed her off and jumped over the bed but i tripped on the corner and fell on my face AND ALL OF A SUDDEN the worst most blinding pain ever was in the middle of my back
i turn around and no joke she whipped me with the power cord from the iron [it wasn't hot thank god]

i decided by then s**t had just got real and she wasn't going to chill out and have her way with me so i grabbed the bathrobe on the floor that matt used as a towel,jumped on her and wrapped her head and the top half of her body in it and held on to her until she stopped struggling like she was being raped. once she tired out i held the robe on her and ripped the iron out of her hands and grabbed her bag and dragged her out of the room

by now i was like holy s**t i look like a rapist what do i do [she was screaming the WHOLE TIME THIS ALL HAPPENED]
i dragged her to the lift and pushed the button and as soon as the door opened i pushed the ground button and shoved her into the lift so she fell into the wall at the other side- she fell over and kind of flopped around for a couple of seconds and starte flailing and trying to get the robe off but the doors closed

i had my fingers crossed that she didn't remember the room number or even what floor i was on and nothing happened after that so i got stoned, beat off in the shower and played gears of war while i waited for my friends to come back

two hours later i got my ass kicked by neville after he lost half of his fringe from the same lighter

jrgp · « **Reply #53 on:** June 14, 2010, 07:58:47 am »

Sucks you couldn't have banged her.

100% not captain ben · « **Reply #54 on:** June 14, 2010, 08:03:15 am »

i was a little disappointed

DarkCrusade · « **Reply #55 on:** June 14, 2010, 10:10:04 am »

demoniac93 · « **Reply #56 on:** June 14, 2010, 10:17:19 am »

Quote from: 100% not captain ben on June 14, 2010, 07:56:05 am

cute emo girl that had these weird ass dreadlocks.

End of story.

{LAW} Gamer_2k4 · « **Reply #57 on:** June 14, 2010, 11:10:48 pm »

Quote from: 100% not captain ben on June 14, 2010, 07:56:05 am

screaming like a banshee getting fisted

Now THAT'S an analogy.

peemonkey · « **Reply #58 on:** June 24, 2010, 10:22:43 pm »

I rape.

Old Valiken · « **Reply #59 on:** June 25, 2010, 02:41:13 pm »

Quote from: 100% not captain ben on June 07, 2010, 10:18:39 am

i smashed it into a bmw murcilago or something. so we...

Lamborghini makes Murcielagos, not BMW.
Anyways, nicely done. You've managed to make this guy a felon, and now he'll never be able to go anywhere with his life. He's probably going to remain poor for his entire life until he dies from eating a parasitic cheeseburger he found out of a trash bin at age 41. As for the girl, I'm surprised ALL of you didn't get arrested for letting a 17 year old drink alcohol. Also I am surprised that the police didn't inspect the joint a little better and find YOUR DNA on it. Finally, you're an idiot for telling us that. That's all I have to say on the subject.

Mexer · « **Reply #60 on:** June 25, 2010, 03:16:16 pm »

Quote from: Old Valiken on June 25, 2010, 02:41:13 pm

Lamborghini makes Murcielagos, not BMW.
Anyways, nicely done. You've managed to make this guy a felon, and now he'll never be able to go anywhere with his life. He's probably going to remain poor for his entire life until he dies from eating a parasitic cheeseburger he found out of a trash bin at age 41. As for the girl, I'm surprised ALL of you didn't get arrested for letting a 17 year old drink alcohol. Also I am surprised that the police didn't inspect the joint a little better and find YOUR DNA on it. Finally, you're an idiot for telling us that. That's all I have to say on the subject.

Lol why did you get so offended for ? It wasn't your car and that chick wasn't your girlfriend .

100% not captain ben · « **Reply #61 on:** June 25, 2010, 07:30:25 pm »

Quote from: Old Valiken on June 25, 2010, 02:41:13 pm

bla bla bla i'm the fun police

who gives a shit he was asian

From: June 25, 2010, 09:43:21 pm

by the way what is with all you butthurts feeling the need to point out that bmw doesn't make murcielagos? seriously can't you weiners take a joke

demoniac93 · « **Reply #62 on:** June 26, 2010, 09:39:57 am »

Nah, they're just troll bait xD

News:

Author Topic: so there i was right (Read 8134 times)

DarkCrusade

DarkCrusade