My friend Sam took his mum to an evangelical church in Dandenong, south of Melbourne, and the whole congregation prayed for her. The next Tuesday she went to the doctor and her eye was completely healed as if nothing had ever been wrong. I had asked for evidence - this was a first-hand account of a miracle - so I was really impacted by this, so I went home and wrote this song...
Thank you, God
for fixing the cataracts of Sam’s mum.
I had no idea
but it’s suddenly so clear
now I feel such a cynic
How could I have been so dumb?
Thank you for displaying how praying works
a particular prayer in a particular church
Thank you Sam for the chance
to acknowledge this omnipotent opthamologist
Thank you, God
for fixing the cataracts of Sam’s mum
I didn’t realize that it was so simple,
but you’ve shown a great example
of just how it can be done
You only need to pray in a particular spot
to a particular version of a particular god,
and if you pull that off without a hitch,
he will fix one eye of one middle-class white b***h
I know in the past my outlook has been limited.
I couldn’t see examples of where life had been definitive.
But I can admit it when the evidence is clear,
as clear as Sam’s mum’s new cornea.
That’s extremely clear! Extremely clear!
Thank you, God
for fixing the cataracts of Sam’s mum.
I have to admit that in the past I have been skeptical
but Sam described this miracle
and I am overcome!
How fitting that the sighting of a sight-based intervention
should open my eyes to this exciting new dimension
It’s like someone put an eye chart up in front of me
and the top five letters say: I C G O D
Thank you, Sam
for showing how my point of view has been so flawed
I assumed there was no God at all
but now I see that’s cynical
It’s simply that his interests aren’t particularly broad
He’s largely undiverted by the starving masses
or the inequality between the various classes
He gives out strictly limited passes
redeemable for surgery or two-for-one glasses
I feel so shocking for historically mocking
Your interests are clearly confined to the ocular.
I bet given the chance, you’d eschew the divine
and start a little business selling contacts online.
f**k me Sam, what are the odds
that of history’s endless parade of gods
that the God you just happened to be taught to believe in
is the actual one
and he digs on healing?
but not the AIDS-ridden African nations
or the victims of the plague or the flood-addled Asians
but healthy, privately-insured Australians
with common and curable corneal degeneration?
This story of Sam’s has but a single explanation
a surgical God who digs on magic explanations
No it couldn’t be mistaken attribution of causation
born of a coincidental temporal correlation
exacerbated by a general lack of education
vis-a-vis physics in Sam’s parish congregation
And it couldn’t be that all these pious people are liars
It couldn’t be an artifact of confirmation bias
a product of groupthink, a mass delusion
an Emperor’s New Clothes-style fear of exclusion
No, it’s more likely to be an all-powerful magician
than the misdiagnosis of the initial condition
or one of many cases of spontaneous remission
or a record-keeping glitch by the local physician.
No, the only explanation for Sam’s mum’s seeing
they prayed to an all-knowing superbeing
to the omnipresent master of the universe
and he quite liked the sound of their muttered verse
So for a bit of a change from his usual stunt
of being a sexist, racist, murderous c**t
he popped down to Dandenong and just like that
used his powers to heal the cataracts of Sam’s mum
Thank you God for fixing the cataracts of Sam’s mum!
I didn’t realize that it was such a simple thing
I feel like such a ding-a-ling
what ignorant scum!
Now I understand how prayer can work
a particular prayer in a particular church
in a particular style with a particular stuff
for particular problems that aren’t particularly tough
and for particular people, preferably white
for particular senses, preferably sight
a particular prayer in a particular spot
to a particular version of a particular god.
And if you get that right
He just might
take a break from giving babies malaria
and pop down to your local area
to fix the cataracts of your mum!
Thankyou, God_______
Tim Minchin